media-lapdog

War Protest Part Deux

2008-03-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

In my rebuttle I wrote the following. Please forgive me for not including the other person's argument, I don't know if I can republish it without that person's approval. I just thought you could get the gist of it from my rebuttle remarks.
This is what I wrote:
"Thanks Ted, for your reply. I admit my post was pretty negative and you said it well, we totally disagree. I don't mean to debate but we are funneling money out of our military, out of our economy, and out of programs which could help people at home and elsewhere in the world with better results. Some examples are our schools, our poor, our old folks and our Veterans, Hurricane Katrina victims, Rwanda, Kosovo, Darfur, Tibet, people who have called out for our help. A lot of what I said was misunderstood. I do worry about that Marine Private, and his Sailor counterpart, etc. I don't believe that we need to be in Iraq but the mess we've made can only be righted by a careful timeline for turning over the government to its people. In many ways I think that I agree with you. I honestly wonder what is best for Our Troops and our relations in the world as public opinion turns against us. I just thought that I would voice a different opinion in hopes of a better outcome in the future. Thanks again for letting me have my say. No need to feel sorry for being harsh. I can take it--with a grain of salt.
Peace"
Claire

War Protest

2008-03-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this in a friend's blog but I don't expect them to agree or even allow me to post, once they read this. That is why I'm posting the same thing in my blog. This is what I wrote,
"I know you're not going to like this but this is what I struggle with on the homefront... I want to support the troops but I can't embrace the present U.S. policies. Your blog is Wonderfully heart-warming. Well said. Hints at so much suffering through one man's plight. The Iraqi people don't want to be invaded or occupied, no one does. And what about the future safety and well-being of the American-sympathizers like Hadi when the U.S. troops withdraw? War, whether for a good cause or a foolish, misguided one, is always messy and despite the cultural exchanges always leaves behind casualties of war. I see our "Wounded Warriors" (official term) fitted with legs of titanium, hobbling away as a chorus sings much too loudly over microphones too shrill to be pleasant in the hospital courtyard. Stateside, many of us don't have Lazy-Boy recliners or haven't you heard what this war has done to our economy? We now have familiar terms such as PTSD and TBI meaning Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injury. And we're now the wiser, there were no weapons of mass destruction!
I'm watching "John Adams" on TV, very inspiring and just what America should be. How did we get here from there (the War of Independence)?Peace Claire

Actor, Heath Ledger dead at 28

2008-01-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

It weighs heavy on my heart to find out that (Sigh) the fine actor, Heath Ledger passed away today in NYC from what is indeed an untimely death. It is such a great loss for us all as he was taken from this plane. My prayers go out to his friends, family, and loved ones. May he find peace and happiness. He will be missed.

Season's Greetings to all!

2007-12-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season for guilty pleasures, soon we'll be re-gifting or standing in line (again) to return presents that just recently peaked our curiosity. We'll be saying our good-byes to relatives and house guests and revisiting why we moved away from the folks back home in the first place, though our love for them is even deeper now that we feel a little bit older, or is that the weather and the hangover?

We'll ring in the New Year with kisses and horns blasting, but our resolutions will be broken perhaps before the night is through. All that is left is to clean up the mess, send our thank-yous, get those pictures developed, and assess the damage, I mean past year.

Do you hate that as much as I do when the newscasters and gossip shows endlessly recount where we've been? There are the most embarrassing moments for celebrities, the best dressed and worst dressed, oh, and the fortune teller predictions for 2008! Now that we have extra time at home we tend to turn on the television even more and try to watch programs that are meant to please everyone but please no one or just the most determined voice in the house. If we're lucky those sports enthusiasts among us will catch a good game, or season of games. For others it will be a soap opera, or movie at the local movie theater. We may even venture farther to catch a really good flick. There's more shopping with our Christmas money and gift cards and there are leftovers, turkey sandwiches, a good turkey soup. Maybe we'll stop for a hamburger for a change.

Occasionally a pang of guilt may creep over our fat shadow reminding us that many go to bed hungry while we throw platefuls down the disposal. Some outgoing souls collect clothes for the poor or volunteer at soup kitchens and hospitals but you need fortitude for that and must not cry easily. Or if you do, you must cry well with others and give hugs freely. I'm much too timid, though I do clean out my closet this time of year and donate clothes and clutter to a better place. I feel extremely full and outstandingly generous, unless I'm traveling, packed in like a sardine.

They say if you want to break up do it after the holidays so that you have a date for all those important occasions. I'm usually so stressed that I catch a really bad cold and then I look terrible in photographs. Why do we do it? Social pressure, conscience, the need for nearness... Dearness, what a season! There's nothing for it, Happy Holidays!

In Praise of Unavailable Men

2007-09-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

Unavailable men are a chance for a relationship with clearly defined boundaries and in a way offer women who are afraid of commitment or intimacy a chance for love and friendship that gives them reason to rejoice and get jazzed about life in general while keeping them 'safe.'
Right now I have some friends and acquaintances on the Internet whom I find interesting but the only problem is that they are far, far away and some are in a committed relationship. Also, it is verboten to fall in love with someone at work. So, it is easy to be friends while putting up screens or setting limits with others and with our own feelings. I wish I could write a song to unavailable men. Maybe I could come up with a poem. Unavailable men are so much more attractive. They are so much more exciting and interesting. But what if an unavailable man were to become available, would that spoil it for me? Would the attraction go away? It's kind of along the lines of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

I'm suffering from a lack of verbal self-defense

2007-08-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Today I had a doctor's appointment to get the results of some tests on my heart and lungs. We first had a BBQ at work and I was preoccupied waiting for time to leave for my appointment. A girl said from across the gazebo, "What's the matter, you sleeping over there or you just scared?"
I realized she was talking to me and I just didn't feel up to coming up with a comeback. But, I thought, I defended this b--ch when another girl was saying they should fire her ass because she's lazy, doesn't do her job, and had milked the student aide program for 10 years while she went to school and "worked" part time, taking long lunches to go to the mall, and leaving early every day. I had answered compassionately, "but she has twins, she needs the job."
I thought to myself, could she be jealous that I got a promotion recently? At least because of my promo I felt in a good place though i was feeling weak, tired, and worried about my test results. When I got to my doctor's she and the attending physician, both really nice and concerned young women who put me at ease told me that my CT scan was not normal so they had referred me to a lung specialist just to rule out anything serious developing in the future like cancer or tuberculosis. I was asked if I had been exposed to TB or smoked or where did I grow up or did I work in an asbestos environment. I don't smoke but I do work in a hospital. At any rate I have faith in my doctors and their proceeding cautiously and caringly. It makes me sad that I may be seriously ill just when I finally have become a "career woman" with a respectable promotion.

Chapter 10 in which someone gets a promotione

2007-08-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

My boss is the greatest! Pay attention World, he's a great human being who takes care of the people under him. I've been waiting for a promo for a long time. When I started off in the work world I didn't like the jobs that I went through and I just lived for the weekend, vacations, and sick days off. I honestly didn't take work seriously. But for a long time now I have been working hard without adequate compensation or recognition. Finally, I got a boss who understands me and although it took a long time for him to get to my case, he finally succeeded in pulling for me. And I was so dumb in entering my data in the computer I almost didn't get it, then, I went back and erased some of the descriptive words and it clicked. You really have to speak the right language. I have shown that I'm smart enough and capable enough just lacking in how to aggressively present myself as a woman to be taken seriously. Also, I'm smart enough not to fall head over heels in love with my boss. In addition, thank you to God and my mother. While I am not my mother's favorite she has done the best she can. Now, reason to celebrate! Woo-hoo!

I'm not that good at negotiating...

2007-07-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

I really don't know when to speak up and when to shut the f*** up while negotiating. I would have liked to have negotiated a certain benefit a lot more beneficially but I'm happy where I am. I am so grateful for the hard work that was put into it.

I admire people who have a higher degree. It takes a lot of social skills to get through school. I wish I could be a psychologist or a writer. I like to figure out why people are the way they are.

I really enjoy creative writing. I'm going to start collecting my poems all together.

RIP Tammy Faye Messner!

2007-07-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

Tammy Faye Messner has died yesterday at age 65 and at 65 lbs. Tammy Faye was one of those people who are ridiculous to some but not to others if you get what she was about. She was a very sincere, honest, lovely person, a great person of our times. I liked the way she sang and talked and embraced all people. Yes, she wore a lot of mascara but so do I. I like how she said that she is going straight up to Heaven because she loves Jesus . When I think of her I think of a kind person, a person who went through a lot in this lifetime. Rest In Peace Tammy Faye!

So, how about those Live Earth Concerts?

2007-07-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

I personally thought that the Live Earth Concerts and festivities all over the globe this last weekend were so good and very hopeful. Imho, the collective event was an awesome undertaking, what an acheivement! I didn't actually attend but I watched on TV and some of the acts that I caught were down right show stoppers despite the fact that it seemed like the performers were sweatin' like a sauna because of the heatwave, I guess driving home the point of global warming by coincidence.

Let me see if I can remember all the celebs:
Al Gore, Leo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Will Ferrell, Kevin Bacon, Zach Braff, Rachel Weisz, Jane Goodall, Rosario Dawson, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Dave Matthews Band, Duran Duran, Linkin Park, Smashing Pumpkins, The Police, the Foo Fighters, Jack Johnson, UB40, the Beastie Boys, Bon Jovi, Madonna, Pussycat Dolls, John Mayer, Crowded House, AFI, Black-Eyed Peas, Sarah Brightman, Enrique Iglecias, Fallout Boy, John Legend and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Those are only the ones I recognize.

I took the pledge and I plan to take my own grocery bags to the market, to change my lightbulbs and to turn lights off when not in the room, to buy a hybrid car for my next vehicle, when the time comes to put my present little car out to pasture.

I do urge all riders on this ride that is falling through space at the same time that it is orbiting the sun to take a step that will not cost a dime but will involve a simple lifestyle change, like biking or walking rather than taking the car or like carpooling to work, riding the bus. Would you consider preparing foods that don't come in lots of packaging? I hope that more people will take the pledge to call on our governments, to make changes, and to think positive that we CAN make a difference. Take Al Gore's pledge!

Gratitude and the Law of Averages

2007-06-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

I used to believe in the law of averages, that if one area of life was going well, another part was absolutely miserable. I dared not be too happy, try too hard, or put myself out there for scrutiny. But, now I feel that success and happiness are easier to achieve than I ever imagined. There's a saying that 98% of life is just showing up, I think Woody Allen said that. I feel an attitude of gratitude. I am grateful for what I have and I am grateful for what I pray for. I try not to be afraid but fear keeps me from mastering this principle. All I can say is I have so much to be thankful for. I have a heart of gratitude. I could have been killed by my parents, I could have died in a car crash, I could have been killed by an abuser, I could have high blood pressure or panic attacks but instead I have gratitude. We don't know what will happen. We can not read minds, at least I can't. But we can anticipate good things to come and offer thanks.

I Have a Neighbor

2007-06-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have a very nice neighbor whom I'll call Tom who has a garden full of cacti and fruit trees in his yard. The last couple of days he has been giving me apricots, my favorite! They are mini-size but packed with flavor, delish. Tom told me something sad. Tom lives across the street from me and he said that the lady who lives two doors down from him just lost her husband. He'd been sick for a long time and bedridden for the last couple of years and even though he's out of his misery it is a very sad time for her. Tom was kind of hinting that I go visit her, I think... but, I'm not sure. He said it like this, 'so if you happen to see her, maybe you could say something, I don't know.' I believe he has comforted her more than he realizes and I have no magic power to do the same even if I am a woman. In a way, it seems to me that Tom's perception is that somehow I could make our neighbor feel better. I couldn't make her feel better than his bright smile, a mound of apricots, and a sweet, friendly voice. I have a beautiful sympathy card but I'm so shy and besides I don't know the neighbor's name, even. I don't think it would hurt if I drop off the card tomorrow. Peace comes to all of us in many ways.

The Passenger

2007-06-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

I think it is so cool that Elijah Wood is set to play punk rocker Iggy Pop in a movie about his life. Wood will take the lead role in the biopic, entitled The Passenger, which follows Pop's early career with The Stooges.
According to Daily Variety, Pop has "given his blessing to the project but will not take part in it". Filming is expected to begin within six months.
Pop recently reunited with The Stooges and the band has just completed a tour in support of their first album in over 30 years. I think The Passenger is one of Iggy's best songs and I sure enjoy listening to it while driving, especially at night in the summertime with the windows rolled down or even the top rolled down if you have a convertible.

Memorable Day Weekend

2007-05-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

It's a lazy day in our household, in fact I'm the first one up. The phone woke me. It was a girl asking for Mr. David, I said he doesn't live here. I wondered who it was but didn't ask any questions. It may have been a telemarketer but it was too polite to be a telemarketer with the 'Mr.' My marriage to David is long over and yet I have my suspicions about David. I wonder if he met this girl while we were married, he would have had to, with this phone number. Still, it could be a telemarketer.... At any rate, it doesn't hurt and I'm not that curious about it.

The Cannes Film Festival is in the news, all the pretty pictures of all the stars. They say you can never be too thin but forgive me for saying this, Angelina Jolie looks anorexic, poor thing. She is supposed to take a year off from work to spend time with her growing young family. I hope she regains her health. The other day, 'Girl Interrupted' was on TV and I recalled just how good she was in that movie. The other cast members were good too, but Jolie was an inspiration.

This is going to be a memorable three-day weekend. I love having a job yet being off from work. I am so grateful yet sorry for the Veterans and the troops, this crazy war.

The Black Wig Look

2007-05-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

It is Mother's Day and my mother is getting older and she is far away. I miss her and hope that she had a nice day. I wasn't able to get through on the telephone during the window after lunch time and before dinner time, which is when she'll accept calls from me if she's feeling okay and up to it. I also refused to iron clothes or do dishes today or go grocery shopping. I guess it was like a regular day. Hahahaha.

I pampered myself yesterday. I went and had my hair cut and colored. I have a perm and the guy who did my hair had his heart set on making my hair smooth and he blow-dried it with a round roller brush. It turned out to be a big, huge bubble with frizz. On top of that he talked me into getting my eyebrows waxed so I looked a little scary until this morning when I showered and let the curls back in my hair and it doesn't stand out as much. All my life, long or short, I've had the black wig look. I still do. I'd like to let my hair grow gracefully gray but my son says it makes me look old before my time. So, I guess I'm stuck coloring it.

Predestined

2007-04-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

I.
Someone has written my lines
Has scripted all of my failures
And mapped out all my shame.
Somehow, someone dangles all
The strings of my life,
Has numbered my days,
Named my weaknesses,
Chosen my last breath,
Picked my enemies,
Shared my winnings.
Someone has read my face
Has put me
In exactly the right place.
Someone, somehow is rewarded
Because of me.
But that someone doesn’t know me.
II.
Some unnamed one
Could trample me, control me,
Own me as a slave or even
Torture me to death.
As long as I know myself
And do not define myself
by these constraints
Then I am free!

Where were you when Larry Birkhead said "I told you so!"

2007-04-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

I can remember where I was when I learned that estranged Larry Birkhead was the father of Anna Nicole's baby, Dannylinn. I was at work earlier this week and two ladies and I were joking about it. But, I am still very worried about that little girl's future and the ability of her father to guide her properly and wisely through the quagmire of life that her mother couldn't quite maneuver. I would feel better with Howard K. Stern as guardian. It presents a great example of why women should not be loose. The wrong man could end up the father. I don't mean to say that Larry Birkhead is the wrong man but I wonder how prepared he is to stand up to Anna Nicole's mother, Fergie and her claim for custody. I think that the best thing for Howard would be for him to move on with his life. But I have a feeling he is going to fall into a deep Depression. I hope not! Our joke at work was that due to the firewall at work that hopefully blocks objectionable material we couldn't watch a video of two otters holding hands at the Vancouver aquarium but we could get the breaking story That Larry Birkhead is the father of Dannylinn.

Cause of Death for Anna Nicole Smith

2007-03-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official, Anna Nicole Smith died very much like her idol, Marilyn Monroe, under mysterious circumstances, but it was declared an accidental OD. At least she didn't suffer, she just went to sleep. I still think that she was over-medicating her broken heart after her son, Daniel's tragic death. I grew very fond of Smith since watching her reality show on the E Channel. She was plump and voluptuous and sometimes temperamental but always lovable, entertaining, and even hilarious. And all these guys claiming to be the father of Dannylinn. They think they are going to get the baby and the money. It's very sad for the baby. The mother of Anna Nicole just wanted to take her body back to Texas so she could make money out of people coming to visit the grave. She seems, from what Anna Nicole said, to be a horrible mother who used to beat her. It's all so tragic and a circus. What I admire about Smith is she had big dreams, she was a very nice person, and she was a beauty, an absolutely gorgeous, sexy beautiful girl. RIP Anna Nicole and Daniel Smith.

I Love Loveline but....

2007-03-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Loveline, the radio talk show that gives advice about sex, relationships, and addictions. I love this show. I am a longtime listener. The only thing that gets to me is that Dr. Drew just tells people point blank that they are an abuse survivor, for instance, without softening the news and sometimes gets off the call immediately after. Radio is not the venue for receiving therapy. It's good for the listeners but for the people calling in it can be a belittling and disrespectful experience.

As time goes on, my age group is farther away from that of the people calling in, for the most part, but the topics of conversation are generally of interest to me and I find that I agree with the advice given. It's just that sometimes the answers come swift and unfeeling.

I guess, this goes for all talk shows that bring on people with problems. They aren't going to solve everything in five minutes or even an hour. I suggest one go see a therapist they can trust.

Oscar Gold

2007-02-25T12:14:00.000-08:00

OK, so tonight's the big night and today a whole lot of women in Hollywood aren't eating so they look their skinny best in their designer dress and fans wait to get a glimpse of their idols. It is nerve-wracking because everything must come together at the zero hour, ensembles, meals, red carpet, everything, and we know that not all the limos will be able to get through traffic on time. So, basically everyone's stressed while dressed to the nines. Now, who do I think will win? This year, I don't find that question so interesting. The front-runners are due something for a body of work and there are some interesting omissions like Brad Pitt for Best Actor. I think Jennifer Hudson is a nice girl but to win an Oscar? No. Also, how can Eddie Murphy be up there too, on that stage with Helen Mirren? He is just playing himself. Although, the Black community finally has entered into this race in the last few years and more power to them! At any rate, I like to see people get recognition for their work, whomever is chosen. And I feel that the nominated are all winners because they are usually the cream of the crop. Too bad there is only one winner in each category. It's a glamour parade. Hooray! As a media lap dog I'll be watching even if I miss my favorite shows on TV tonight.

Anna Nicole Smith's baby

2007-02-18T00:06:00.000-08:00

I have to confess that I have been watching all the media coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's death and I started thinking, with all the dudes that have come forward claiming to be the father, Anna was a loose woman. So, it really doesn't matter who knocked her up. The question is, who would be the best father to Dannylinn? I think it would be the man who has been at Smith's side through the years and has been the only father that Dannylinn has known. He seems to be the most stable, loving man in mother or child's life, the lawyer, Howard K. Stern. Some would say it's simple, do a DNA test and determine who the real father is but that may not be what's best for the baby. It may be the luck of the draw that it was the first guy who spoke up and he may want to claim the baby for the money. But on television, and on the birth certificate, Anna Nicole named Stern as the father and expressed the desire to keep the child away from her own mother and Larry Birkhead, I think that's the name of the first guy to claim paternity after Stern. We shall see how it plays out.

He Seeks Velocity (For Dave)

2007-01-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

He seeks velocity
And what's another word for chaos?
There's nothing wrong with that except
That he comes from disarray
And he must experience intensity
In order to feel a sense of closeness.
But, intensity should not be mistaken for
Intimacy. They're two different things.
The last time I saw him at the pub
He looked lost.
I was sending him home in a cab
And he felt far from his feelings.
He asked a question that seemed ironic, "You alright?"

In Memory of Cubby

2007-01-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

I wanna keep
Your thoughtful ways
Like the recliner left to us by
The guys next door.
Immediately one of the kittens got lost
Inside and we had to tip it and reach in and
Find him like birthing a calf
I can hardly bear the vision
Of him 10 years later lying lifeless on the
Exam table with a crimson flower at his side
Picked from the doctor's garden.

Travel as near as possible

2007-01-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

Dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows--Henry David Thoreau
Do I travel on the inside of the current far from land
As the trends like waves exchange silver
In a million handshakes from hand to hand?
Should I change with each new curl
Or crawl below, crossing over rocks and swirls and
Sliding sands like the lobster, or the crab?
If one knew his purpose would he travel with a lighter heart
When it's not a matter of strong or smart?

I get an import CD - ecstacy

2007-01-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

I make an addition to my music collection, always a happy event. Does anyone agree that Imports are usually worth the price since they are far superior to the usual run of the mill recordings? This CD is AMAZING, YEAH!!!!!!!! Try an import, it's like the difference between domestic and imported beer. Wine is different, because when they have a bad year in France they ship over vines from the US and vice versa so you can no longer say that imported wines are better than domestic, across the board. This music is kickass, I am having such a good time listening to it. Here's to your favorite music. Oh, an please read the bulletin about Snow Patrol making top album of the year on itunes. And of course, the amazing Pete Tong's bulletin. Over in Europe and in other countries electronic dance music is so big you would not believe!

I Didn't Forget the Homeless

2007-01-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

Mad DC Cabbie always says "don't forget the homeless," so today when I saw a homeless man outside Burger King I decided to say, yes. He asked me for some spare change to catch the bus but he had a shopping cart, those aren't allowed on the bus. So I said, "I'll buy you something to eat but I won't give you any money because you'll just run off and go get something to drink with it." He nods and says, "okay, you mean it?" "yeah, I says, what do you want? "Oh, anything." So I go in and buy him a meal and I bring the cup outside while I'm waiting for the rest of the order, "What do you want to drink?" "Oh, anything." says he. I say to come in and get your drink. I turn around with his meal and find that he has poured coffee into the softdrink cup and he says to me, "I just love to drink coffee." I said "you should have told me so I could order you a coffee cup." Then he starts to talk to me a mixture of lies and delusions. Then I say good-bye and I hope he can make it to the VA. It was 3:30 p.m. and he said the bus ride was two hours so he'd never make it but I said I hoped he did. He thanked me for the 10th time and I said, "It's no big deal." He smelled like an alcoholic and he talked of not eating and of his ulcer, well you can't drink coffee with an ulcer. It hits like acid indigestion. But I didn't correct him on any of those points. I went to my car and as I was sitting there starting it up I saw through the front door of the restaurant that he was throwing the food away. My son said that the guy had alcoholism real bad and would be dead in eight months. I felt like I'd wasted my money but not the attention that I gave this man. I'm sure the people in the restaurant didn't know what I was up to until I left but that didn't matter, I'd tried to be nice. It just wasn't the right way to go about it. They say not to give money to panhandlers, to instead give the money to organizations that work with them to rehabilitate, shelter, and feed them. There's the reason why.

My Blog

2007-01-06T18:45:00.000-08:00

My blog is pretty lame mainly because I don't have pictures or music, except for my wishlist on my profile, which has Richard Ashcroft singing Bittersweet Symphony at Live 8 with Coldplay. I think it's a kickass song. I don't have any pictures or games or other features, just my blog.

I went on My Space and was browsing and found a lot of gay men, which was discouraging since I'm a straight woman. I don't mind being friends with gay men but I've had enough friends who are gay in my normal life and it basically doesn't go anywhere.

I find that men are like parking spots; the best ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
[just a small joke] I still believe there are some good, single men out there.
My Space calls it browsing but it feels like cruising. I'm not good at that game. I tire easily of sampling bits and pieces from each space and getting confused and nowhere. I discovered that some people try to collect as many friends for their space as they can to validate themselves. I can understand why models and DJs do it to get known. But regular people putting all their efforts into recruiting friends is not as important to me as just posting thoughts and sharing ideas. I did, however, find Tyra Banks and DJ Pete Tong. That was kind of a thrill. But I also got some requests to be friends from porn sites, not what I'm after.

What is up with girls peeking up from a corner of their picture? What does that say about their personality? Is it that they themselves are taking the picture? If so, that's a good trick--Kudos!
Guys like to pose beside a motorcycle or a car. That is way cool, unless the car is a piece of crap. Sometimes two or three girls will pose together and the name of one is given, is that a riddle where you're supposed to guess which one or does that say they are best friends or holding her up?

It seems like it is all for fun. I went on one space that was playing Social Distortion and that was pretty cool. I like the spaces for bands, they have songs you can download and listen to, very nice.

War of Words

2007-01-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

I am so enjoying this feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell. I think the Donald is definitely winning, except when Rosie flung her bangs over to the side in an imitation of Trump's comb-over. That was harsh, but funny. Talk about speaking your mind... Trump doesn't mince any words. But now the latest twist is that not only did he insult Rosie by calling her pushy, degenerate, a slob, and (oh yes, girlfriend, he did) fat, he has, in the process, alienated those who are obese.

The funny thing to me is that The Donald can sit there with a straight face, a designer suit, and that soft strawberry blond fluffy and elaborate hairstyle and hurl these horrible insults. True, he feels justified that a bully should be challenged, so to speak, and that's what he feels he is doing but is he going overboard?

Are they acting like teenagers or does a person have the right to verbally defend him or herself when attacked? At any rate it's great entertainment. lol

Religion or Rule by the Righteous

2007-01-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

I don't roll with the idea that people's afflictions and suffering or difficulties are a retribution for their sins. Do you think that someone gets MS because they are sexually sinful? How about AIDS? What about a child born with a harelip, is that because he or his parents are vain? Is mental illness or retardation a punishment?

Although I do not believe in these arrogant assumptions, or superstitions, I do believe that what goes around comes around. But, I think of this in a positive way. If you are generous of spirit then the Universe will pay you back in some good way. If you help someone, don't expect them to pay you back necessarily. The reward will come from a different direction, or a different person. In other words you make your own luck. And you can create goodness in the world.

Sometimes people who do evil do not suffer for it. That is because temptation is a mighty strong pull. We want to cheat in life in order to get ahead. We are tempted to be ruthless, too. That's a lesson in life. Play it straight and life will be easier if not more blessed with earthly rewards. Goodness is its own reward. Teach love and abundance.

I don't believe in organized religion because it twists simple truths around and plays upon guilt and fears that we all have. I do believe that in one way or another, we are all praying to the same God. I don't believe in righteousness whether it comes from the preacher in the pulpit or the businessman laughing with a fat belly, or the man with a gun.

As Dr. Deepak Chopra said on the Colbert Report, it is no longer the survival of the fittest but the survival of the wisest. Don't live like a retard, spread your wings and fly. Live unafraid. Peace.

The Best New Year

2007-01-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

So far, the new year is going very well. I don't have a hangover because I didn't drink last night. I decided to stay in because my Mom had to go to the hospital by ambulance, they won't tell me why. But when I talked with her last night, on the phone, she was home and in good spirits. She said she felt much better. Such a relief!

My diet, so far, is going well, although I feel hungry. Maybe another drink of water would help. I am on a new mission, I am giving away old clothes to the local radio station that is taking them down to Mexico to the poor people there. I have six bags already and I haven't even gotten to my son's stuff, yet. Oh, I am such a pack rat. I am terrible. I realize it when I am trying to clear stuff out! But I am giving away lots of warm and clean clothes, sweaters, sweatshirts, T-shirts that are new. I only wish that I had blankets to give them. For blankets, I think it is best to go buy a new one than to give an old one. What if the people they give it to are allergic to cats?

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

2006-12-29T07:14:00.000-08:00

As we take our leave of the year 2006, I have some time, not much, to reflect on the hard work of this year, With gratitude for my luck in life, if not good fortune, I feel as if the Universe has, nonetheless, smiled upon me. Thus, I go forward to the next year with renewed hope and faith that great things are in store in 2007!

Resolutions for 2007:

1. Take computer class
2. Take vitamins
3. Eat healthier and watch my diet
4. Get more sleep
5. Get out more (I know, it contradicts #4)
6. Wear more makeup, yes, that's right, but put on expertly
7. Get a raise
8. Show more humor and compassion
9. Live more mindfully
10. Practice my Spanish by watching TV shows in Spanish
11. Leave the errors of the past in the past and not carry the guilt with me

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

Saddam Hussein execution BIG MISTAKE!

2006-12-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

I quote from the msn website, "Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, sentenced to death for his role in 148 killings in 1982, will have his sentence carried out by Sunday, NBC News reported Thursday. According to a U.S. military officer who spoke on condition of anonymity, Saddam will be hanged before the start of the Eid religious holiday, which begins at sundown Saturday.
The hanging could take place as early as Friday, NBC’s Richard Engel reported. "

Hussein was a ruthless leader but a leader who could hold the country together, even if out of fear, mostly. The thing is the Saudis and others are more brutal in their violation of human rights and should have been the ones we challenged if you're going to do the right thing.

Another reason I believe Hussein should not be executed is that violence is escalating now not winding down. And in addition, if you're going to count the number of people one leader is resposible for killing, please forgive me as a person who is non-violent, George W. Bush should be hanging right along side of Husseim.

It's All Gone Pete Tong!

2006-12-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

I saw a brilliant comedic/dramatic actor, Paul Kaye, starring in "It's All Gone Pete Tong!" I like the way he throws himself headlong into this role and prevents it from being a mere tear-jerker by keeping up an undercurrent of dark comedy as the DJ who faces deafness and the end to a wildly successful career. I liked the way he danced and could tell he was into the music (great music, BTW, which enhanced the plot remarkably) and the character. Based on a true story, the story of the fictitious Frankie Wilde had me believing in the man and his courageous fight. I really got lost in his story. I also enjoyed the chemistry between Frankie and the young deaf woman who tries to help him when it all falls apart. Beatriz Batarda is exceptional as Franke’s lip reading teacher Penelope. The title of this film is Cockney rhyming slang for "everything's gone wrong"; Pete Tong is a renowned British DJ who I think makes a cameo appearance in this movie. Paul Kaye is a British comedian who for awhile interviewed celebrities with sometimes absurd or embarrassing questions and many think he paved the way for "Ali G," Sasha Baron Cohen. This movie is currently playing on the Sundance Channel. Forgot to mention his piercingly deep, blue eyes. Husband and father of two he plans to be a stay-at-home dad for awhile and write.

Breakfast Anyone?

2006-12-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

Last night, I went grocery shopping while hungry, not a good idea. I was in the store for almost two hours and a few times I thought I was being watched by security as I kept going back to the same aisle, for instance, trying to find sugar-free, Pistachio instant pudding or fresh pommegranates. I was very creative and bought a lot of diet food like fresh vegetables and fruit, now that I'm home for a week or so to cook. I tried but couldn't find any barley for making soup from scratch. I did find a Czech beer on sale, Pilsner Urquell; I hit the jackpot. Nothing like cooking with spirits to inspire you. Or just plain, sitting back with a good beer. I spent $183.00!!!! All I can say is that it better last a long time, my kitchen and refrigerator are stuffed to the gills! LOL!

What is your favorite breakfast? I even have croissants, cage-free eggs, cereal, juice....

From the kitchen, Peace and Hugs,

Claire

Arrested Development

2006-12-21T23:43:00.000-08:00

For Christmas this year my son already gave me/us my/our Christmas present. And I love it, Season One of "Arrested Development" on DVD. I have been laughing my ass off, LOL. "Arrested Development" was one of the best sitcoms on TV. Too bad that Fox pulled the plug, but then, Fox has cancelled a lot of great shows. My son and I agree that we even like this comedy show better than "The Office," which is a present hit on TV (not on the Fox network).
Arrested deals with a rich family that has just lost everything and one of the sons, Michael (Jason Bateman) has to hold it all together. I find the dysfunction in this family so hilarious as well as the fact that you can't tell what's going to happen next. There are a lot of surprises. It also reminds me of my own dysfuncional family, with humble affection. I guess that's what's got me laughing out loud. I'm really praising this show without many specifics, but it's hard to focus when it's all good. It may not be for everyone, but I know we all have our favorite shows. Think of your favorites and you will understand. That's what I'm talkin' about.

10 Things That Start with B

2006-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

The Letter Game--

Here's how to play: Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your blog, and give out some letters of your own.

Hey Mad Cabbie in DC, so you've given me the letter B to come up with 10 of my favorite things that start with B, so here goes:

1. B as in Bed. Once when living in a rooming house with a bunch of young working girls (oops, the other kind, you know, clerks, receptionists, cashiers, and telephone operators), one night N said to a group of us sharing drinks that there's a story about the bed. In the old days, babies were born in bed with the help of a midwife. We sleep in bed, oh glorious sleep, when you can get some. Talk about gettin' some, uh-hum, that's where the ultimate pleasures are exchanged, if you get my drift. Some sit and talk on the phone, get breakfast in bed, read, get ideas, and write in bed. And hopefully, die peacefully in their sleep in bed.

2. B as in Buns. Hot Buns, that is, the kind you see on cool guys from Brad Pitt or John Legend to Morgan Freeman, they (buns) are especially hot in nice fitting jeans. Whew-hoo!!!

3. B as in Balls. I mean both kinds, first the kind that men have, thank God for men, they are such marvelous, noble creatures! (Sigh!) Second, it takes real balls to find your way in the world and do a decent job of it considering the obstacles you face. Success is not measured by what you achieve but by what you have to overcome to get there. Balls is another word for courage and courage is very sexy not to mention inspiring!

4. B as in Bread. Yes, as in feed the world... for a start. And bread as in money, which is oh so nice to have just enough of. But I think no one has just enough. I wonder who thinks more about money, the rich or the poor? I would think it is the rich and they thus can't relax and enjoy life. So sad.

5. B as in Being. Just being is the greatest gift, the gift of life and thus all there is out there and inside the self to be thankful for. Suicidal at the murder of his father, Shakespeare's Hamlet argues with himself with the words, "To be, or not to be." I want to yell, "Be! Sleep on it and you'll realize it's all too beautiful, so don't do anything rash! To be is awesome!!!!!!

6. B as in Books. Books, magazines, newspapers, or the Internet are so inviting, whatever kind is your favorite. Reading a little bit keeps the mind young and vibrant and keeps the light aglow in your eyes. So, feed that twinkle in your eyes and read something! Have fun!

7. B as in Babe. Thanks, Cabbie, for calling me Babe, and, right back at ya, Babe!!! ;D I see Babe as a term of endearment. I like being referred to as Babe every bit as much as being called Ma'am. It's all good. Many a pleasant time has been accompanied by that word, Babe!!! I mean in the good sense.

8. B as in Belong. I love the idea of belonging somewhere or among a group of friends. Sometimes that's a hard one as life is always changing and people come and go. You have to stay centered and seek out the people who are positive and are there for you. I've had a few rude awakenings in life, when I felt cut-off but I soon found a new path, and new friends. Keep working at it, belonging is always a work in progress.

9. B as in Boca. Cabbie, I have to agree with you--boca means mouth in Spanish--a nice smile makes a great impression. Also the mouth can be used to form words that bring peace among people instead of conflict and strife. Remember, Jesus said something like this is my temple, you must defend it from defilement. This to some, means to stand up and speak up for yourself when you are being insulted, but do it in a humorous or tactful way. If that does not work and they don't pay attention to la boca, then remove your bod. I can't help but open my big mouth about what is going on in Darfur, in Africa, right now and the government of the US and A is too busy destroying the country of Iraq to be able to afford an intervention in Darfur. There, I've said it. Read my lips, President Bush and Congress!

10. B as in "Skin and Bones," by the Foo Fighters. Furthermore, I like smooth skin and nice bone structure. Hope that doesn't come off as too superficial.

That's my short list. I'm sure there are some great ones that I missed. =)

Peace and Hugs,

Claire

It is RAINING!

2006-12-16T20:34:00.000-08:00

The weather usually upsets me as it does my cat. So, I turned off the TV and put on a CD. Kitty is crying, he's so scared. It's coming down pretty hard. I wonder if the roof will give way. I try to talk to him and call him to come in my bedroom where it is peaceful. He finally comes and the rain stops for now. So, we listen to the music together. My cat is such a sweetheart!

I want to write about what it's like to have a constant craving. I have an obsessive personality at times and it now seems that the pain in my back is testing my ability to carry on. Sometimes I go to the pills when I can't take it anymore but usually I fight the urge. I'm not an alcoholic either but sometimes the world looks a lot more upbeat after I've had a drink. I'm not supposed to be drinking at all. How can I stop altogether? I asked my doctor and he said, "You just make your mind up to." Well, my mind is in such upheaval at times that that's not such an easy proposition. I have been in so many auto accidents and once I was a pedestrian and I was hit so hard I flew through the air quite a few yards and landed on the ground. I remember the Lookie-Lous who gathered 'round, their faces and movements were animalistic, like a herd of wild beasts for want of a better way to put it. I do remember a man came and put a blanket over me so I wouldn't go into shock. I thought he was so kind and so smart to do that but the chaos of the situation prevented me from thanking him. Or maybe I managed to do so and can't remember all the details now. Life takes it's toll. We venture on.

Being back from my vacation

2006-12-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

Took a short trip to visit with my Mom. It was nice although she was feeling sick and in the mood for a pity party, which I was not prepared to indulge. Every time she mentioned her ills I gave her sympathy but then went onto other subjects. Needless to say, our visit was mercifully short. I love my Mom but I have suffered too much at her hands. That is as far as I can go with that.

Upon our return, my son and I had to clean the house for the termite annual inspection. We have a contract with the company. Anyway, we managed to get the house looking decent but lived in, shall we say? Mail had piled up and so forth. Well, we passed the inspection and the guy, a really nice guy even asked me to call him when I get ready to sell the house.

Then noticing that I was single, said good-naturedly, "You need to get out more." As if! I wonder why some people see a woman alone and assume that she needs to be with a man. I know that men are good at fixing things and protecting. But what if being on her own is a conscious decision that a woman makes because she's just not looking for trouble? I'm not a bossy lady so I can't boss people around, that may be one of the problems. You see, I believe that women do the hunting and just make men believe it's all their idea.

Anyway, coming home is a refuge not a battleground and that's how I like it, on my own terms and on my own. Alone, not lonely.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-12-05T00:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I finally had the privilege and sheer enjoyment of seeing Brokeback Mountain. I had heard that it was really good but I never expected anything so beautiful. I wish I could write a story like that. And Ang Lee did such a fantastic job of directing, not to mention the actors. Many images are memorable including one of Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) on the fourth of July with fireworks going off in the night sky behind him as he stands up tall after a confrontation with a couple of foul-mouth thugs.

I resisted chances to see the movie because of the subject matter and I somehow felt that it would turn out badly. Even so, I never saw how things would turn out and I didn't even realize how the movie won me over as I watched.

At the same time that it is a love story and talks about the right of two people to love, it also talks about the violence and hatefulness of men. It is a powerful juxtaposition.

We still have violence and prejudice. How far have we come after all?

Photographs

2006-12-02T00:35:00.000-08:00

Today, once again it hounded me that I misplaced some very valuable photographs of my family, especially of my parents and myself. I looked several places with no luck. The pictures of me are a reminder of how cute I looked and at the time did not realize it. I mean I went about my business while doing all the girlie things, curling my hair and applying make-up, exercising but I was not aware. And now those images that my mom sent me could be gone for good. I wish that certain keepsakes were not vulnerable to loss and destruction.

Then I thought of people who've lost everything in a war, a hurricane, a flood, or a fire. How devastating that must be! My God.

Tom Waits was on the Daily Show recently and he sang a song about how we're all praying to the same God, so how does He decide whose prayer to answer?

Peace on Earth,

Claire

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to the Beach where every Wednesday night there's a farmers market down one of the main streets. The night was filled with the sounds of conversations, a performing rock band that wasn't very good but added to the atmosphere, and with flowers. People were carrying around huge and gorgeous Autumn bouquets and there was the usual marketplace vision of dozens and dozens of white plastic buckets filled with bunches and bunches of flowers spotlighted in the early evening darkness (BTW, it gets dark so early now!). Vendors sold baked goods (pies looked especially good), organic fruit and vegetables, and one booth of special interest offered chili peppers of all kinds for sale.

I found free parking and I didn't even have to park illegally. I was returning to a bead shop that my friend, N. took me to once. She bought a wooden beaded bracelet and necklace. I was unimpressed, thought it was a waste of money at the time, thought I was hiding my lack of enthusiasm. She lost the bracelet and called me the next day saying that she threw it in the trash by mistake. I had a necklace that I wanted to fix tonight and I think I must have it either in the front seat of the car or I also threw it away by mistake. What is in it for people to throw away something of value by mistake, anyway? Guilt?

Well, tonight, I was down the street from my car and in the bead shop before I realized that I didn't have the necklace with me so I described it to the bead person. I have to give credit to these people, they're talented and patient. Thanks for the generosity with their time and expertise in helping me put together a necklace and bracelet that I absolutely love. Thank you again, so much, ladies.

A word about the beads, they are African trade beads, ceramic, tubular, and are like Murano glass in that the inside is the same pattern as the outside millefiore in Italian or million flowers. They are absolutely beautiful.

I don't think that Thanksgiving is a meaningful holiday because I believe that the Native Americans, the "illegal aliens," and the Blacks, not to mention the sacrificial turkeys and pigs were robbed. I know it is an occasion for families to get together and eat well and for all of us to give thanks, for me it is a time to feel guilty that things are not so equal and that some have very few things to be grateful for. I can think of the condition of the Earth and it seems like a time for reassessment rather than a selfsatisfied, eyes wide open blind gluttony. I usually cook my own specialty because I am vegetarian and the fall vegetables are delicious. Anyway, for what it's worth Happy Thanksgiving.

Our Hats Off to All Vets!

2006-11-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

As I was saying to a friend and former boss, today as we celebrate Veterans Day--it is actually tomorrow (Saturday)--we should give thanks to the men and women who served proudly to protect our freedoms, or what there are left of them. We should buy a drink or raise a glass to those who make it possible for us to have a day off, some of us that is (Not people like Cabby who goes the extra mile, literally, in his cab that is) . I'm not picking on you Cabby, just teasing a little and I thank you too!

That was pretty embarassing that this week an audiotape surfaced from one of the Al Q'aida leaders saying that President Bush is the dumbest president the US of A has ever had and that he should take an easy out like his pal Rumsfeld who recently resigned and who is being sued as responsible for the tortures at Abu Graib. The young upstart further made threats on the White House as the next target of the terrorist organization. This should illustrate that the war hasn't accomplished much, in fact, we're back to square one.

In spite of the present leadership which the majority of the people did not vote for it should be remembered that the troops deserve our thanks. (Thank all the voters too, who turned out to elect enough Democrats to put the brakes on what Bush and his henchmen want to do.) Now we have the House and the Senate back. Whew!

President George W Bush and Representative Nancy Pelosi, who is set to become the top lawmaker in Congress, exchanged greetings on Thursday. The two politicians met at the White House two days afterDemocrats took control of the House and Senate, ousting Bush's Republicans "after months of bitter feuding on the campaign trail. Pelosi, one of Bush's harshest critics, is in line to become speaker of the House, making her the highest elected woman in US history. Pelosi has referred to Bush as 'oblivious' and 'dangerous.'" I think she has called him a lot worse too. It's going to be fun watching things unfold and the new era of open debate about to happen! LOL! Now maybe we can begin to clean up the mess that this man and his backers have made of the World!

Peace

Election Day

2006-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

It is just like the time inbetween buying a lottery ticket(s) and learning the winning numbers. During this magic interval one is potentially a winner with millions of dollars. The time between voting and actually finding out who won and what measures passed gives one hope and faith in the system.

After voting tonight, J and I went to Wal-Mart to get a few things and I decided to wear my pride on my sleeve, you know, that little red, white, and blue sticker that says "I voted" or in Spanish if you prefer "Yo Voté." I was just waiting for the dummy to come along and ask the obvious question to try to make me feel like an idiot, "Did ju vote?!!" J said, she probably didn't vote herself which makes her the more foolish of us two. I don't know why I pull peoples' legs like I do. Do I think this girl will as a result of our encounter go out and vote next time? No, not really. I yelled back, "Did YOU?????? Have a good night."

Claire

Enough Cheese with My Whine

2006-10-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

Well, that's about enough whining from me for awhile. Yesterday, something happened that brought out the compassion in me and made me feel ashamed of my complaining about petty things that don't amount to a hill of beans. In the middle of the day, security roped off where my car was parked and no one could go in or leave the parking lot until an investigation was completed. Someone had apparently committed suicide. It is so sad that someone would feel bad enough to end it all. Sometimes I feel like crying and I wish I'd never been born but as for doing away with myself, no, don't want to even go there. Yeah, this is a good time for meditation and prayer.

Peace and hugs,

Claire

Sparring with words

2006-10-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

In my last post I painted an extreme picture of co-workers boxing with angry words, rough-housing with gossip, rumors, innuendo, and back-stabbing. Not to downplay the hostile work environment but I should depict things more as they are, natural and a matter of educating one for any working environment. Things are more like sparring with boxing gloves on. It's not all bad.

One woman in particular, however, seems to complain about everything. It seems like she thinks she is getting the short end of the stick unless she complains and tattletales whenever she thinks someone else is getting preferential treatment.

Another woman likes to slice and dice with her tongue, then she comes all sweet and nice when she has a questions or favor to ask.

Then, there is another woman who just loves the sound of her voice. She talks as if she knows a lot with her voice modulated perfectly but she doesn't know much. I would say she's faking it 'til she makes it. And there are others much like these ladies.

Overall, it's not a bad place to work. There are enough friends to make it all worthwhile. My problem is that I'm afraid to speak up, not that I'm too nice, just too insecure. I have a wit and I should use it. I'm just not used to thinking on my feet. I think of what I should have said once the storm has blown over.

I'm learning to spar with words, though--trying to. And waking up from a silent sleep at the same time. We are none of us immune to this dancing game of self-defense. Meanwhile, gotta treat everyone with respect or could get in trouble, seriously. And as if this all weren't enough to cope with while trying to do the job, here comes the clincher, I believe in the Golden Rule, treat everyone as you would like to be treated. The Universe will take notice even if people don't. Yep, they say that being able to do the job is the easiest part of the job and getting along with co-workers is the hardest part. Whoever "they" were, they were right.

Peace

Claire

Rough House

2006-10-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

At work this week, people's voices were raised to special highs and hostility was in everyone's sails. Rumors were a buzzing. I hate when people talk about other people. It's like nails on a blackboard for me. Co-workers boasted that they were funny. Ellen DeGeneres, in her stand-up act says something like, "Oh, that's not funny. See, If it were funny, we'd both be laughin'." Yes, making fun of someone is a pasttime at work. It's about as charming as herpes. And just as chronic. The ladies I work with are sassy and so I jokingly said to them, "You girls are just SO Catty. One of them said, "You're Kitty and we're Catty." I didn't get the joke, I just said, "I'm just kidding."

Wish we could all get along without being like hens who peck at each other. Poor hens, they all end up the worse for wear and they aren't treated well by their farmers, either. Don't let me get into that tonight. Music is a soothing blessing at work that filters out a lot of the negativity. That's why they say music sooths the animal spirit.

Peace,

Claire

Good Day at Work

2006-10-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

It was a quiet day at work today. I felt that I got a lot done. I am a quiet person and I have a job that is a quiet job most of the time. I like it that way. I'm a detail person. I'm thorough and often take my time. This may get on some people's nerves. I recall where I got my philosophy about what people think of me. It was a book by the then Rev. Terri Cole Whitaker called What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business. If we go around worrying about what people think of us, we can never be genuine. Be happy with who you are. Society is a tapestry.

Not too long before the new year

2006-10-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

It seems that I can't go any higher in my job or get upgraded without moving and going somewhere else. I have to decide whether to apply somewhere else or whether to stay stuck. By the new year I should have decided. It's too bad that they don't pay by how much work one has and the quality of that work.

On the other hand, I have a job that I like and somehow I manage to pay my bills. I should be grateful for that. I wonder if thinking of abundance will bring it about. You know, that New Age positive thinking idea?

I also need to get around to doing so many things before the end of the year that it gives me a headache. It is soon enough now that I can work on it a little at a time. That's all I can do. I just have to quit putting myself last and stop wasting my time. Oh, procrastination, stay away.

It's weird about the holiday season, there is time off for vacation so you have time to think but it is hard to get things done because everyone else is on vacation too. I guess the New Year, when everyone comes back off their think tank that we can actually accomplish something.

We had a power outage in our neighborhood

2006-10-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, we had a power outage in our neighborhood and it was kind of fun going through the house with flashlights but it was scary too. Just think of all the people in the world who live without electricity at night like in Korea. Or just really poor people who have no electricity. Winter is coming and although I love this time of year it does remind me of those who are wanting. I am not affluent myself, I struggle. But I have not suffered extremely.

I saw Bono on TV, on Larry King talking about redistributing wealth and food and medicine in the world. U-2 is one of my all-time favorite groups and partly because of their politics. It is so refreshing to see and hear a celebrity talking about something that matters! I just love the celebrities who stick their necks out and talk about Darfur, War, etc. not safe causes but that's what makes these celebrities stand out as sincere and makes them loved and popular.

I went out to lunch with my friend to a Japanese & seafood buffet restaurant. After we were done feasting I thought, I don't need huge amounts of food to be satisfied and happy, it is just a treat to have abundance. But what if we could share, the way people share ideas, music and whatever they have to share that is good (not mean-spirited or evil) on the Internet? What if we could redistribute all the excess to others? Recently, former President Bill Clinton was on the Daily Show talking about how a movement that he is involved with is taking medical supplies that are perfectly good and sterile but that would ordinarily be thrown out due to regulations and is giving these supplies to doctors who in turn distribute them to other countries. Finally, a movement to do what isolated volunteers have done in the past.

An attitude of gratitude

2006-10-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

To live a happy life, it is important to maintain an attitude that expresses gratefulness for every little and big thing in life. It is all vital to health and happiness If not for this, then my life would not have taken such a turn and a valuable person or lesson would not have appeared. Every little thing is important and must be thanked out of humble gratitude. Life is all a learning experience. Never forget that.

I have been highly disorganized and uninterested in my home life. I mainly cared about e-mailing for eaves dropping on his coordination of his assets. Funny, I just tried an experiment. I closed my eyes and typed whatever my subconscious guided me to type. This is why I don't relinquish control to my subconscious, nor to sexual attraction. It takes more than that to judge a man. And it takes more judgement and discernment than to trust the subconscious. However, gut reactions must also be heeded, especially in business. Intuition is a delicate balance.

Third thing, keep heart clear of hatred and grudges. Such a horrible thing to hate and to blame. It causes disease. Meanwhile, We should cultivate gratitude for the million and one natual gifts at our disposal. Oh, so, a little bit of cloud-cover and it can make you so joyous to realize the sun is shining through.

Peace,

Claire

I Walk The Line

2006-10-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

I happened upon Walk The Line on HBO this weekend. Powerful, charmer of a movie. I recall seeing Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash walking through an airport one busy summer day. Johnny Cash looked a little shakey (it happened that he had a disease of the nervous system). They made their way through the crowd like real troopers. My heart went out to them. They looked pretty good, yet I thought to myself, "they can't keep going much longer." But, I didn't know how true my impressions were. They died in 2003, not much later than when I saw them.

The movie, much like the personal meeting was transforming, and very affecting. I only hope that I wasn't part of the demoralizing process that fans leave with their idols when I met the great performers and song writers, June and Johnny Cash. My friend was such a jerk, claiming he was a distant relation, what a crock I should have stepped in and said, please excuse my friend, here. He's crazy. In the movie, Johnny Cash said that June Carter had written Ring of Fire, which she co-wrote with Merle Kilgore. It was about her unrequited love for Johnny Cash but he divorced and married June Carter.

October is here

2006-10-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

Finally, the weather cools down and I cuddle with my cat at night. Who worries about allergies? I sleep with my cat.

This month is also the time for pumpkin patches, hayrides (in the old days), Oktoberfest, and Halloween! I know how to make a pumkin mousse pie with firm tofu, pumpkin filling and a blender, oh and don't skrimp on the pumpkin spices like cinnamon and nutmeg! Halloween is my favorite holiday dating back to the creative old days of growing up. We always put together our costumes and it was so much fun!

I think the best costume that my son ever had was one that I made him with a little bit of imagination and just a few purchases that would entertain him after Halloween was gone. First, we went to the hat store downtown and got him a real, yellow Dick Tracey hat. Then, we went to Toys 'R' Us and bought him a Dick Tracey belt with flashlight, handcuffs, gun and spy watch. Then I took an old black vest that I had from a three-piece suit and folded back the excess material and safety pinned it back. He had a white dress shirt and a clip-on club tie and he was the miniature embodiment of his hero except as we were trick-or-treating in the neighorhood, a gang of homeboys was getting out of a large car and one of them said, "Hey, all right, a gangster!" Well, not close by a mile, but my little son was enjoying this night so much he took it as a compliment! Eventually the little mummy that we went with was unraveling so we also dragged ourselves home and I had to take some pictures for my photography class. That was hard to do while my son was eating candy. He turned out like Alan Delon in Borsalino.
The next night at the school photo lab it was SO much fun to watch the development tanks as all manner of ghosts and gobblins, Little Red Riding Hoods, ninjas, Little Mermaids, clowns, pirates, witches, Count Draculas, etc., etc. appeared in the water. Halloween is the best holiday ever!!!!! So say I. I am planning to decorate my office at work. I have this motion-detecting, talking plastic skull from Walgreen's that says, "Hey, where you going?!? I see you!!!!!" That's always fun too! I'm giving out candy at work too. Stop by if you have a minute!

I don't think it is such a bad thing to worship El Dia De Los Muertos ( The Day of the Dead) when we remember loved ones that have passed and celebrate with them. Is that so wrong? Some of my religious friends think it is the Devil's holiday but it isn't at all. Not at all.

Who gave Daniel Smith the drugs that killed him?

2006-09-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Pathologist Cyril Wecht, hired by the Smith family to investigate the death of Daniel Smith, said the 20-year-old died of an accidental but fatal interaction of three drugs: anti-depressants Lexipro and Zoloft, and methadone, a painkiller used mostly to treat heroin addiction.
In an interview with Reuters, Wecht said Anna Nicole Smith did not know her son was taking methadone and had no knowledge of any heroin use by him. But isn’t that hearsay unless Wecht gave her a lie-detector test?
"This is one of the mysteries remaining in this case -- why he was taking methadone. It could have been as a painkiller. It is a legitimate drug for that use. His family is shocked. ... I am told that Mrs. Smith was completely in the dark about Daniel taking it," he said.
Wecht was hired to find out what killed Daniel Smith while he was visiting his mother on September 10 in her hospital room in Nassau in the Bahamas shortly after she had given birth to a daughter.
Of the three drugs found in Daniel Smith's body, only Lexipro had been prescribed.
Wecht said he had not been told where Daniel Smith had gotten the drugs found in his body.
"There is now no reason to go ahead with the inquest because there is nothing to suggest foul play. But that would be up to a magistrate in the Bahamas to decide," Wecht said.
I think someone needs to explain who gave the non-prescribed drugs to Daniel. A doctor on Entertainment Tonight said that Daniel was suffering from back pain but that although methadone is used as a painkiller, usually, something not as strong (or as addicting) is used, such as vicodin.
If indeed Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern married this morning it seems very suspicious to me. Husband and wife can be legally protected from testifying in court to incriminate each other. I think there’s still a lot of questions unanswered. All in all, Daniel Smith led a short, tragic life with an untimely end.

Daniel Smith: Awaiting toxicology test results

2006-09-21T04:17:00.000-07:00

The death of Anna Nicole Smith's son was not a suicide or homicide. That's what officials in the Bahamas are saying. And, with toxicology tests pending, the actual cause of Daniel Smith's death might not be publicly known until a jury inquest. That starts October 23rd. The private pathologist who did a second autopsy told Larry King on CNN "It is possible we might be dealing with one of those tragic and cumulative and drug-related deaths where somebody inadvertently takes two or three different kinds of drugs, each of which has a central nervous system effect."
(Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press.)

Still thinking about this death. Perhaps he had an undetected heart problem. It could be a combination of things. It is very sad.

The New Line

2006-09-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

DJ spinning for burning hearts
Lights go down as eyes dart
To those who walk
The catwalk.
Theatre-quality sound
Envelopes and surrounds
The hungry crowd
The models’ nerves
Are taut rubber bands.
"Act-- says the designer,
Like you’re going Somewhere!"
This is like his first show.
He’s thrown himself
Into it whole soul, hands, and head,
Bolts of fabric, miles of thread
Fashionistas, press, buyers, celebrities
Cross their legs and knot their knees
Pulsing rhythms finally cease.
He comes out dancing and popping fists
Blowing kisses to the applause.
Waving, bowing, smiling.

What Killed Anna Nicole Smith's Son?

2006-09-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

First, I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy. The police or coronor's in Nassau, Bahamas are calling it a "suspicious" death but it is claimed by a spokesperson, I think it was Anna Nicole's lawyer, Howard Stern that drugs and alcohol were not involved.

I think that sadly, the truth will not be known in the case of Daniel Wayne Smith's death on Sunday, Sept. 10, 2006, because the truth is too costly. It is my opinion only, not a fact or something known through any other sense than my horse sense which tells me that this 20-year-old young man if he was healthy may have suffered "ill health effects" as the disclaimer says on the bottle, or a massive heart attack as you might say from use of the additive ephedra, an ingredient in Trimspa or something like that. It is reported that Anna Nicole yelled at her lawyer, "It's all your fault!"

Daniel Smith appeared in several installments of Anna Nicole's reality show on the E! Entertainment channel and seemed to be a normal, good kid who was a straight-A student and the apple of his mother's eye. He was the only one around her that had a real relationship with her. Everyone else was a paid employee or business acquaintance. This is a very tragic loss. I wish to express my sympathy.

In Style: white hair

2006-09-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Ever think about how many top designers now have white hair? Some having had it for many years and looking very distinguished, if I may say. There is Gianfranco Ferre, Ralph Lauren, Giorgio Armani, Karl Lagerfeld, and Oscar de la Renta, to name a few while Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein are gray around the temples. I remember these great and very talented men from watching Style with Elsa Klensch on CNN many weekend mornings past!

This brings me to, who is Elsa Klensch?
As producer and host of Style with Elsa Klensch, CNN's groundbreaking fashion and design program, Elsa Klensch's straightforward reporting and her reputation for integrity won her millions of viewers around the world. Klensch is an opinion-maker in the worlds of fashion and design; her activities are reported on by USA Today, People, Women's Wear Daily, The New York Times, and "Page Six." Style with Elsa Klensch videotapes are part of the collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute.
A New Yorker profile of Klensch said that she "created the gold standard for television fashion journalism." She has been elected to the International Best-Dressed List Hall of Fame. Klensch's first book was Style, a profusely illustrated compendium of fashion tips and tricks.
Klensch served as a senior fashion editor at Women's Wear Daily, Vogue and Harper's Bazaar before applying her international fashion expertise to television.

House of Boateng

2006-09-14T04:01:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a several part documentary on legendary designer, Ozwald Boateng and I only know a little bit about him so far. He is trying to start up some stores in America. He is already a sensation in the UK and has men's clothing stores in many countries around the world.

The show airs on the Sundance channel and is very interesting. Boateng himself is an interesting person. As a designer, he chooses slim cuts and bright colors. Some of the people he has dressed for the Oscars are Will Smith (he was the first), Daniel Day Lewis, Jude Law, Jamie Foxx. On the show he is seen trying to call management for Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, both nominated for Brokeback Mountain in 2006. He also hopes to dress Don Cheadle for future Oscars and will see. Celebrities are very important in the fashion world because they have such influence on fashion trends and because so much exposure, I guess. Jude Law wore Boateng's creations in Alfie. I really like Boateng's style!

Claire

I go cold turkey

2006-09-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

I tried to reach my doctor who prescribed this hideous pill to me and couldn't. First, it was my fault, I couldn't figure out the choice from all the choices on the menu/phone tree and I didn't want to bother him on the weekend. I just wanted a call-back with an ok to stop taking the pills. Then it was Monday and the secretary had a recording on her line that said she was on vacation and he didn't have anything but the usual recording on his line so I left a message.

He didn't return the message so he must either be really busy, on vacation, didn't get the message, or will call later. But I figured I couldn't wait so I didn't take my night-time dosage of this tormentor. Here it is 1:00 a.m. I woke up feeling so much better! There is still a little pressure around the eyes, I think that's from my sinuses and a headache. On top of everything, I may also be allergic to this medication because the whole time I was taking it my nose was stopped up and now I can breathe again.

Oh well, one man's medicine is another man's poison.

Claire

This Cold That I've Had Reveals Itself

2006-09-11T02:42:00.000-07:00

Well, all the symptoms of being tired, dizzy and having nausea etc. are side effects from my new medication, topamax. I don't know what's worse the disease or the cure!?! At least I know what's going on. I'm not so sure this is the miracle cure my doctor thinks it is. And now I know why he delayed in prescribing it; it's no party.

Oh gosh, and I've got so much work coming up! And other side effects are fogginess, increased body temperature, sleepiness, confusion, and difficulty concentrating! How am I supposed to work under those conditions? How much of a chance should I give this? I don't know. My doctor said that most of the side effects will go away after awhile. Well, that's one good thing. Oh, and my sense of taste changed. It's really wierd. Sodas taste terrible to me. I guess that's a good thing...

It's not just over-work, it's this silly pill. How many people do we meet up with in life that for one reason or another (a broken heart, a twisted body, aches and pains, hunger, worry) just don't feel very well and we ask them how they're doing without much care. My suggestion is to offer a kinder smile and to extend to them more of your patience when they don't give the right response because, like me they may not feel so well.

Claire

An Unexpected Check

2006-09-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

It seems my doctor's secretary was informed by my insurance company that I had paid for visits that they had covered 100%. So my kind doctor gave me a refund check of $195. And so I went shopping today at Macy's. I should add that I haven't stepped inside a department store to do more than pay a bill in months, I mean months. It was so refreshing. Shopping, like anything else, if you let it, can so easily get in your blood and become an addiction. So, beware.

Now, the next thing is not for the squeemish, for it involves a virus that I have. With a virus, there is nothing you can do, you have to wait it out. I have something like a cold, I get sleepy and nod out, I'm dehydrated, my head hurts and on the second day I could not talk. I should drink more water. My sister says I should be seen by my doctor and stop spreading this thing around, but you should see all the people I hear about with this bug and I don't even know them! Now, they're not staying home. I stayed home the first week. I think that's enough. I've got work to do.

I am listenning to Johannes Linstead's Mediterranea. In really small letters, it says, it's the Wine Country Collection. Is this music good wine drinking music? If you ask me it is. Don't get the wrong idea now, I'm not sitting here getting drunk as I listen to this CD. Why I hardly drink one drink at social occasions. No, drink is not my downfall.

I don't think I will be going to night school this semester because of my health. I feel happy. I enjoy work. Maybe I do have a huge workload but so do other people. But I think I'm going to have to wait to see how I feel next semester. I don't really feel like I'm suffering from exhaustion or anything close, maybe dehydration and sleep deprivation, that's all. I have to modify my habits and see my doctor, again. Oops, there goes my windfall!

My Day Off

2006-09-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

First of all, I went into work for a staff meeting. R made me a cafe latte which was fantastic from her espresso machine. Her many abilities amaze me. MC made two cakes and brought soda, coffee, and juice to the meeting for everyone! She is great!

I had given W a get well card and a patrotic pen. She was pleased as punch with both and sent me an e-mail to tell me about her procedure since I also have back pain and it may help me too.

My e-mail is so full I'm afraid it's going to crash any minute. Oh dear. I was tempted to stay and work but then I thought I would never shake this cold if I don't get some sun and fresh air and some rest.

At 1:00 I called my boss to explain about a situation that got by me that I should have caught but didn't. He asked, so, you were thinking about this all this time? Yes. I trust you. Now, is it beautiful outside? Yes. So, why dont you go outside and do something nice? OK

I bought my mother a one cup coffee maker. And I got gas for my car. It was $2.83
I went to Macy's Department store. I hope everybody gets what they wanted. I think I'm going to take off my make-up and go to sleep early, too late for that! Good night all!

Claire;

He gives her reason to live

2006-09-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

I have a good friend who is living with a guy who is abusive to her and no one knows about it. I know she's headed for a fall. In fact, she's already taken a fall and got a fat lip and two black eyes from it so she had to call in sick to work. Another time, before he moved in, he came over in the middle of the night drunk and he took off his belt and started whipping her with it. She is a tiny little thing. That should have raised a red flag. But she loves him. She protests that she doesn't but she would do anything for him, anythng. She explains that he's gay and that she understands that.

I know him too. And I tell her that I can understand why she likes him, he's charming, funny, sweet, entertaining, thoughtful, interesting, etc., etc. But, when he's drunk, he's a different person. And when they are alone he takes advantage of her low self-esteem, something other people are not even aware of. Now, it's her place, and without even asking he changed the lock on the door to his bedroom. She's wondering what he's thinking. I said, well it isn't his place, he should ask first.

I am afraid of what could happen to her if this continues. I think I need another serious talk with her but what do I say? I know he gives her reason to live because I was married to a guy who was crazy and abusive and it took me two years to get out of that marriage because he gave me reason to live... I wouldn't go through it again but inbetween being a monster he was an absolute angel, some of you may know what I mean.

One heck of a day

2006-08-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

Gosh, what a day. among other unnerving things, my boss had a nice talk with me about my health probs. He also asked me why I was dressed up and I knew he was pulling my leg but I went for it. I said, "I always wear this." "Then what is it?" "I cut my hair." "Well, it looks very nice." "Why, Thank you!"

It doesn't look that great. He is just so nice. I wonder if he's trying to motivate me to try harder, to reach higher? He's a great person. Kind of like a Professor Henry Higgins grooming his Eliza Doolittle for bigger and better things. I hope I can stand up to the challenge.

I came. I saw. I passed out. Well good night, bambinos. I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. It's time to retreat into the horizontal position and catch some z's. My kitty is already in the zone. Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. 'See' you in the morning light.

Sacagawea

2006-08-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Lewis and Clark Expedition hired Sacagawea (pronounced Sack-ah-ja-we-ah). She was hired as an interpreter of the Shoshone language, not as a guide. Although the captains hadn't planned it, she was a sign of peaceful intention to Indian nations, since women didn't travel with war parties. Three times she recognized landmarks in her home country of southeastern Montana, and told the captains about them. She is remembered as a protector, a peacemaker, and a guide. The gold colored Sacagawea dollar coin is thought to bring guidance and good luck.
My mother gives this coin to all her friends and although she calls it the Hiawatha coin, it performs just as well. For instance, for a little while she was at a really nice old folk’s retirement home where they starved the residents and didn’t pay the help very well. But it was a beautiful place with very nice people.
My mother made friends with one of the maids who was going through a rough time because her husband had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and she was so worried so her cousin was taking her to Lake Tahoe to go gambling and forget her problems for at least a little while. Well, my mother told her, "you better take this coin with you. It is good luck. And sure enough, she came back so happy because she had won $900. She bought my mom a porcelain angel. You can ask to buy Sacagawea dollar coins at any bank. We can all use a little guidance and good luck in our corner so don’t hesitate to ask Sacagawea, or Mary, or Jesus, or Buddha, or Mohammed, etc.

I Get A Haircut

2006-08-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

I was agonizing over whether or not to cut my hair and I finally did it. I was lucky and it turned out really cute.

Today I had some blood drawn. The most painful part is the bill and the idea that I somehow need all that blood that they took from me.
My doctors know me intimately. They know everything from my blood glucose level to my cholesterol to my HIV status, all not too bad I should point out but things could be better!
I was in my other doctor’s office this morning--not the Egyptian lady physician--when I realized that my hair looked like a hornet’s nest. He has a big, beautiful mirror by the door. So, after I left his office, I went to get my blood drawn and then stopped by Panda Express, which J says a lot of people don’t like because they are too expensive and their food’s too greasy. Later in the afternoon, after I let the kitty out for an hour I went and had my hair cut. The girl who cut my hair was really nice and had a cute short cut so I asked her if she’d mind cutting my hair kind of like hers. She did a great job; I really like the finished product but I don’t think it looks anything like hers. At any rate, I’m not complaining; on the contrary, I’m very happy. Another big change is I’m going to stop coloring my hair black.

Two Tenants

2006-08-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

by Claire

Talking in remnants,
Two tenants
Leave the pulp and cork
Of a vacant room in New York.

Talking in remnants
They look around
The wooden boards creaking
The only sound.

Talking in remnants,
They cross the floor
And talking in remnants,
They close the door.

Eurydice

2006-08-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

I thought I would blog about how beautiful these three stories are and how they complement each other, anecdote/introduction, poem, and myth.

By way of introduction, Gelert wrote on his blog:

"On the walls of the subway from Waterloo bridge is a poem
stencilled that I always stop to read between the buskers and
the walk upwards. I always wondered what it was, and tonight
I found it on someone's blog. It makes me sad."

Eurydice
by Sue Hubbard

I am not afraid as I descend,
step by step, leaving behind the salt wind
blowing up the corrugated river,

the damp city streets, their sodium glare
of rush-hour headlights pitted with pearls of rain;
for my eyes still reflect the half remembered moon.

Already your face recedes beneath the station clock,
a damp smudge among the shadows
mirrored in the train's wet glass,

will you forget me? Steel tracks lead you out
past cranes and crematoria,
boat yards and bike sheds, ruby shards

of roman glass and wolf-bone mummified in mud,
the rows of curtained windows like eyelids
heavy with sleep, to the city's green edge.

Now I stop my ears with wax, hold fast
the memory of the song you once whispered in my ear.
Its echoes tangle like briars in my thick hair.

You turned to look.
Seconds fly past like birds.
My hands grow cold. I am ice and cloud.

This path unravels.
Deep in hidden rooms filled with dust
and sour night-breath the lost city is sleeping.

Above the hurt sky is weeping,
soaked nightingales have ceased to sing.
Dusk has come early. I am drowning in blue.

I dream of a green garden
where the sun feathers my face
like your once eager kiss.

Soon, soon I will climb
from this blackened earth
into the diffident light.

(see: http://www.suehubbard.com)

Juliana Podd wrote on Eurydice in Encyclopedia Mythica, and I paraphrase:
In Greek Mythology, Eurydice and Orpheus were young lovers, who were practically inseparable. So enmeshed was their love that they could not live without each other. They spent their time frolicking together through the meadows, where one day Eurdice was happily running when a serpent bit her and she died from the bite. She immediately descended to Hades.
The great Olympian god Apollo who in many ways was the god of music was Orpheus' father and so Orpheus was blessed with musical talents. Orpheus was so saddened by the loss of his love that he composed music to express the desperate emptiness which pervaded his every breath and movement. He found so little meaningful, without Eurydice that he decided to petition Hades, overseer of the underworld. Hades' heart was hard as steel, as befitting his position. Many mourning souls approached Hades to beg for loved ones back and as many were turned down. But Orpheus' music was so sweet and so moving that it softened the steel hearted heart of Hades himself. Hades granted permission to Orpheus to take Eurydice back to the earth's surface to enjoy the light of day. There was one condition--Orpheus was not to look back as he ascended. He was to trust that Eurydice was following behind him. It was a long journey back up and just as Orpheus had almost finished the last part of the trek, he turned and looked behind him to make sure Eurydice was still with him. At that very moment, she was snatched back because he had not trusted that she was still there. So, when you hear music which mourns lost love, it is Orpheus' spirit who guides the hand of the musicians playing it.

P.S. Sue Hubbard's poem Eurydice is a sad and beautiful poem. And what a fitting place to stencil this verse. I'm pretty sure that the subway is a metaphor for Hades which is not our Hell but the Underworld of Greek Mythology. And I think that the poem is about lost love, like the Greek myth of Eurydice and Orpheus, a beautiful love story. With the rain and the train I am reminded of that old movie "A Man and A Woman" where they part, perhaps for good, and there are raindrops like teardrops on the window and when she gets off the train he is there and they embrace and the music builds.

30 Days

2006-08-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend I watched the TV show "30 Days" with Morgan Spurlock and his lovely wife as they struggled to make it on minimum wage. Morgan Spurlock is the guy who made the 2004 Oscar-nominated documentary "Super Size Me" the expose that took on McDonald's and other fast food chains. Unfortunately, he was up against "Fahrenheit 9/11" and "Born Into Brothels," which took the award for documentary about Calcutta's red-light district brothels and the children of the prostitutes.

Spurlock is very entertaining but to see this young, likable couple struggle like millions of Americans do all their lives is heart-breaking. When I think back, this is how I grew up until eventually my father established himself in his career. But if my mother had not been a penny-pincher and if I had not been the family servant (cooking, cleaning, you know, everything I am reluctant to do these days!) we never would have made it. And they were never rich. My mother continues to struggle now that my father is deceased.

For me, "30 Days" is more entertaining and enlightening than "the Simple Life" with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and the non-acting is genuine, no staging involved. Although I like to hear the girls call the people whose homes they destroy "gorgeous."

I stayed home today because I have a time-off award and I was just worried about my cat so I stayed home with him. He is 15 years old and shows signs of nausea as he has lost his appetite. He also threw up in the kitchen a couple of days ago. My boss told me to do something fun today so I am writing in my blog and listenning to headphones, Plantronics to be exact, the first ones on the moon. I also went out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant across the street from where Video Town used to be. Video Town was my favorite Video/DVD rental place until they closed just about the time I started my blog, about two months ago. It was a win-win type of place. The people who worked there were so low-key nice and the selection of movies was outstanding while the prices were dirt cheap. You can't beat that but sadly, they went out of business. No more cute red-haired guy, with the motorscooter and the interesting T-shirts like Ren and Stimpy, talking on the cell phone to his girlfriend he still had it together to comment on your rental. Wednesdays were discount day with new releases only $1.50. Unheard-of! No wonder they went out of business when Blockbuster and Hollywood Video are charging roughly $4.60 per movie. Going out to pick out your movie was half the fun. It's another example of globalization with conglomerates such as say, Starbucks moving in and squeezing out the little guy even though I do appreciate their coffee. Now, I gaze at the empty building where they had a going out of business sale. I really don't buy videos much but I went in just to say good-bye and bought "The Motorcyle Diaries" and "The Weatherman." I told the red-haired cutie-pie guy that I was going to miss the place and he said that he was, too. I said "It's too bad." He agreed. He was so cool, he commented that I had picked two good movies. I thanked him wishing I could do something.

Alabina

2006-08-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

I have a CD, Alabina Album 2, to be exact, that is a surprising mix of Spanish, Arabic, and Hebrew. I think Alabina, sadly has disbanded, correct me if I'm wrong. But the beautiful, Israeli-born singer, Ishtar, has embarked on a solo career. My neighbor, a very nice but extremely right-wing individual explained to someone asking what that music was coming out of my window that it was some so-and-so crap, subversive and all. So I now listen to it with headphones only. I looked up Habibi in the online 'Urban Dictionary' so I kind of understand what Habibi means but don't know what Habibi Ya Nour el Ein means. It is interesting that the expert explained that Habibi is also a word in Hebrew, like many Arabic words, which brings me back to my argument. These people are more alike than different, so it is very frustrating that they cannot live in peace with each other.

I get the impression that this music is more Pop and for an older audience while the younger generation prefers American or English contemporary music. What I enjoy about it is that I understand the Spanish and I like the upbeat rhythms. My favorite track is Alabina Megamix. Wish I could understand Arabic.

On winning

2006-08-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

I won something this morning! I was not feeling particularly lucky so this blind-sided me. I won the September issue of a magazine that isn’t even out on newsstands yet and some candy. What a great way to start the day! I never win anything except the time I went to a fashion show at the local shopping center and won a $200 shopping spree in a very nice department store. I told them I’m not very good at putting outfits together so could someone help me shop? The sweetest, most efficient young woman helped me and she had great taste, too. She found me an off-white linen pantsuit with a silk woven shell to match and another pantsuit in a blue-green linen with a hooded jacket. We went a little over the $200 but she let me have them anyway. I will never forget her, she was so nice. I still have the pantsuits. I only wear them on special occasions.
Once I saw a black SUV with cocoa interior in the newspaper so I asked J to go to the dealer with me because as a woman alone I didn’t think I could get the good deal that was advertised in the paper. I was ready to walk at any moment. More than anything I was curious to see if this was a bait-and-switch gimmick. We took a test drive on our own, the salesman trusted us, that was weird, then we went into a little room surrounded by glass. At one point, the salesman said he was going to pull up my credit score. He came back in the room and declared, "You’re a winner!" I thought I actually had won something until he said your credit score is really high so you qualify for our financing. "Oh no, I said, I’m planning to go through my bank." He had to go consult with his manager as to whether the sale price was still good without the financing deal. While he was gone, J asked me, "Do you know what ‘you’re a winner’ translates into? It means, ‘you’re a loser.’" Oh, I just lost it! I started laughing and laughing and I couldn’t stop. It struck me as so funny. "Yes, I see what you mean," I told J. When the salesman came back he said that we could work out something else. I told him I had to leave but that I would think about the deal. We shook hands and I walked. I bet he got rid of us in record time. Oh, and on the way home, I couldn’t stop laughing. So, J said, "What?" "Oh, you’re just so quick, so funny."

Bad Religion

2006-08-11T02:17:00.000-07:00

Why I don’t believe in organized religion? I remember a childhood friend’s mother’s experience with a priest. She went to confess that she had slept with her boyfriend and the priest asked if she was going to do it again. She answered that she didn’t know but probably yes and so the priest said he could not forgive or absolve her. So, she turned away from Catholicism and never looked back.
Religion is used to manipulate us with promises of rewards in the Sweet Hereafter, with fear, with anger, and with guilt. Otherwise, it doesn’t have much hold over us.
It’s too bad that what starts out as part of our inner life, as our very spiritual nature ends up getting all twisted around.
I believe in religion, it’s organized religion that poses the problems.
I know someone I call my friend who feels the sting of rejection because he is gay.
Love should not be dictated, it is a natural function that happens between people.
Certain individuals, for whatever combination of reasons, namely, nature/nurture theory fall in love with someone of the same sex. One’s sexuality can not easily be changed so I assume that people conduct themselves in their private lives as they see fit, according to a code of ethics.
It’s wrong for the pope to come out against birth control or condom use. It is misguided for bible-pounding preachers to teach eternal damnation for what they arbitrarily, out of their own hang-ups, or in their ignorance deem wrong and "sinful." Issues such as masturbation, sexual relations outside of marriage or for other reasons than for procreation, abortion or a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body and her life, and homosexuality are matters that should not be policed either by religion or by the medical profession unless they are there in compassion and understanding of human nature.
Parents and teachers are agents of civilization. Hopefully, for the survival of the species and to maintain social order they are very influential in the socialization of the child and carry on their influence into an individual’s adult years. Unfortunately, due to being human beings with their own problems they may give mixed signals to the impressionable young. They are supposedly loving and protecting without prejudice but they do have biases. They may preach love and equality in one breath and spout hatred and condemnation in the next.
It is sad indeed, when a loving human being grows to think that the Almighty disapproves of him or her and does not take him or her into the fold. But this is people shunning or attempting to control, not what God wants or teaches IMHO (In my humble opinion).

2006-08-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

Legal Alien and Immoral Majority, I appreciate your comments. Here is the complete sonnet:
"The New Collosus"by: Emma Lazarus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame,
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

The Statue of Liberty Rocks

2006-08-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

The poet Emma Lazarus saw a different statue in her sonnet "The New Colossus" which constituted a recasting of the statue's officially intended meaning. Lazarus's Statue, a "Mother of Exiles," speaks:
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries sheWith silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" (Lazarus 1888, 202-3)

Fuming

2006-08-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

It is one thing to admit you don't understand, you're clueless and quite another to hate which leads to hate crimes. You can think anything you want and it won't bother me but when you go calling yourself a patriot, a minuteman and you're spouting racial hatred, that's unAmerican and that's not what this country stands for. How dare you take the name Minuteman?!!!!!

I found a blog by mistake written by a person declaring his prejudice against illegal aliens as if it were the most natural thing, the most everyday thoughts and actions. All I have to say to him is, " Let me tell you something, you're wrong, dead wrong! Let's not EVEN go there!"

A friend's father used to say many years ago, "There's more horses' asses in the world than there are horses." I guess things haven't changed much.

Signage

2006-08-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

Signs are an ingenius device to give warning or to entice customers. But they don't, for instance, keep people who have a mind to from off-roading on the cliffs of the Hawaiian Islands! Like some people who like to search newspapers for misprints or other wording that should not be taken literally, I like signs that are amusing and often confusing as well.

I used to pass a white building with red and blue signs on it that read, "Nothing over 99 cents, and up!" There was a banner outside a local cafe which had the most unusual motto, "Fun every five minutes!" So, inbetween, I guess people weren't having fun? I'm sorry they took that sign down. Then there's a combination of signs on a road I often drive. One sign says, "No Passing" another says, "Pass on Left."

Jamaican road signs have to take the cake though. A road sign for a two-lane road going up a hill warns people not to pass other drivers with "A quick overtaking may lead to your undertaking." I am curious if anyone else has encountered a funny sign.

In Praise of Club Soda

2006-08-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to say that there is no such thing as "bad karma," just your teachers are all around you. And people on Earth all being students, all are learning the same lesson so don't take joy in the misfortune of another for it is the other side of your own coin. The same goes for one who thinks he or she is holier than thou, for that's another two-sided coin. And don't harbor jealousy for those who seem to have more, for it is true, less is more! I'll get to Club Soda in a minute, please bear with me.

That being said, I have bad line karma, bad popularity karma, and bad stain karma. First, by bad line karma I mean that I always have picked the slowest moving line I can find. If there is one person left in line at the cashier, and I go and get in that line, the person is trying to pass counterfeit bills, does not understand the language, price check, or for some other reason they have to call the manager, who is nowhere to be found. It doesn't work to get in the longest line, either. I'll explain; I have bad line karma.

Second, I seem to have bad popularity karma. Although I try to keep my trap shut most of the time, I still manage to tick people off who have an axe to grind. I try to see everyone's side of the story, but I secretly harbor my own thoughts and opinions which seem to collide with those of others. For instance, show of hands, who still thinks the presidency was stolen from the Democrats? Most have forgotten about that for thinking of how bad things have deteriorated.
That was a joke. But it goes to show how obnoxious I can get. Oh, and just when I start dressing nice for work, I decide to buy a couple of expensive jeans and wear nothing else to work, not a good example or image. And for some, image is everything. Popularity? Not interested. Been there done that, got the T-shirt. Boo! My bad!

I was born with the bad stain karma, but where most outgrow this tendency, I never did. I always manage to get a stain on my clothes. For instance, you have fruits and vegetables which are loaded with vitamins and water or juice. Where the beautiful Princess Maxima Zorreguieta could hypothetically eat a big plate of spaghetti and drink a bright red wine and not get a spot on herself, I on the other hand, goob on myself no matter how careful I am. That is just what people with bad stain karma do, as the saying can be applied here. "That's just what we do." (at this point I'm being sarcastic, but wait, I get genuine)

The third thing changed, oh man, did it! For the better since I first tried Club Soda. I love this stuff. It is probably good to drink but I'm too busy pouring it on my blouses. And add salt, I'm not talking about Margaritas here. Problem solved.

Smart women still making stupid mistakes?

2006-07-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

Is it possible that when it comes to relationships, smart women keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again? Why are we wired this way? I mean the most traumatic things we experienced in growing up, instead of avoiding them, we choose people who remind us of them or who make us relive the same dreadful events. This is one of the explanations that Dr. Drew gives on Loveline, the radio talk show that I listen to most nights. But, why are we wired this way? He doesn't fully explain that one. I guess we're always looking for that invisible, magic key to finally have a good relationship with the rejecting, critical, or abusive parent(s).

Now, in psychology class we learned that rats could learn a maze by watching other rats run the maze and if there were a shock at one end, they also learned to avoid it. So, it is possible for them (and us) to have vicarious learning. Then, why can't a hurt individual learn to find the right kind of person (as opposed to the wrong kind of person) to match up with? Why can't they observe their peers, their heroes, their idols, or their mentors experience a loving, stable relationship and say, "That's for me!"

They may even say, "That's for me!" but their radar finds the guy who leaves them alone on holidays, who cheats, who is distant or unavailable, who is married or gay, who is jealous and controlling or who is cheap and stingy even with his affection. There's all kinds of wrong men and I'm not talking about whether the guy is a nerd, or can't hold a tune, fix a car, or can't dance. I mean serious trouble. I mean the guy who can get you into serious debt, who can get you hooked on cocaine or heroin or cigarettes, or marajuana, or drink. That's what I'm talking about.

Death Cab For Cutie Song Lyrics

2006-07-29T22:42:00.000-07:00

(I have been singing along with this catchy song for the last couple of weeks.)

"Soul Meets Body"

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here
I cannot guess what we'll discover

We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain
I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

[Thanks to Melinda Bruner (the_bluest_butterfly@hotmail.com) for these lyrics][Thanks to bittersweetsymphony7@yahoo.com, apisbulll@yahoo.com, delta9@rocketmail.com, madeleinehawks@yahoo.com for correcting these lyrics][ www.azlyrics.com ]

It cools off a bit

2006-07-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

I went out this morning and found that it was lightly raining. Finally, the weather has cooled off. I just hope that it doesn't get real humid and steamy in the coming week. The other day, it was so hot that when I got out of my car my glasses fogged up so that I had to take them off in order to see where I was going.
I had a strange dream. I had been averaging five hours of sleep per night due to listenning to Loveline on the radio Sundays-Thursdays until I felt so weak that I found myself nodding off in front of my computer both at work and at home. I think I woke up at 5:00 a.m. as usual to feed the cat and give him fresh water but I can't be sure so later when I went into the kitchen and he begged again with a very convincing "meow," I fed him again just to be on the safe side. He didn't finish his food so I guess I had fed him. Oh well, better safe than sorry. I think it was Buddha who said, "It is better to be the one who is fooled than the one who fools." Do you hear that, kitty?
I have very vivid dreams, especially when I haven't had much good ole r.e.m. sleep in awhile. When I awoke I didn't know what day of the week it was and I shot up in bed and thought oh my God, I have to call in to work and tell them I'm on my way! Then I thought, "no, today is not a work day but I have agreed to meet someone for coffee and I'm running late!" I'm not a high maintenance person but it sure takes me a long time to get ready.
I had to cut corners, a little less mascara, leave the towel on the chair, drastic measures like that. Anyways, I made it just a little late but not bad.
I related my dream to W saying I found myself sharing a small dormitory with the girls in my last Honors class and they had to get together and tell me that I had used too much closet space and they didn't have anywhere to put their clothes so I discovered a spare room next door but they nixxed that idea. I said well I'll take my clothes out of all the closets and hang them all up in one closet with that new system of flat hangers as seen on the QVC shopping channel. As I went through the closets they were all arranged with jewelry and storage baskets and all manner of designs. I knew they were not mine, but each was like a "myspace" on the Internet. Finally, I got to mine and rearranged the clothes and things to fit. For some reason we had one of those rotating chains like they hang the clothes on in the dry cleaners and we all hung our dresses, jackets, and jeans on it. I had an uneasy feeling like I had overstepped my bounds, and yet, once I looked in all the closets I really didn't have my clothes in anyone else's closet, they just thought I did. I think the dry cleaner chain thing was for the clothes, our best stuff, or the face that we show to the world or to each other and the clothes in the closet are what we keep to ourselves. I didn't say much in that class but I got an A and that made me happy. My first paper in that class received a C so I was a little scared. It was a type of subject I'd never taken before and I did well, I think. Though I found it hard to speak to the others. There were only ten people in the class and the teacher and she and they were all open-minded. I was just so shy!

My Favorite Musical Instrument

2006-07-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

I love the guitar although I never learned to play. My mother used to practice the guitar and sing along. She had a monotone to her voice that was kind of distracting and at the same time endearing. It was as if I knew when she was gone I would remember things like that with perfect recall. Funny how I sound like her and I hate my voice. It is very nasal.
Being the middle child and being meek and sickly growing up it is no surprise that I was no one's favorite, at least in the family. Outside the family I befriended many people, cousins, teachers, neighbors, and peers.
I like to listen to guitar music at work. I have many CDs that feature guitar music and I think it must drive my co-workers nuts. I am sorry about that but it is very soothing yet energizing and that helps me to focus on my work and not get distracted by people's conversations. In that respect it acts as a filter. The more work I have the more I realize that I am slow. If I could just attack one problem at a time and not have three or four folders open at the same instant. Distraction is a major time-waster.
I heard that playing for a long time, like when practicing one can get cuts on the tips of the fingers. Now that's dedication. There's more story to the guitar but I can't tell it here. Suffice it to say that I like this instrument best.

The King Tut Exhibit

2006-07-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

The ancient Egyptians have always captivated me, transporting me mind and spirit on a journey to another world, another time, through mystery and magic. My friend J is also very interested in the ancient Egyptians and accompanied me to the exhibit of King Tut and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs. It was awesome, dazzling. I was dumb-struck with amazement. All I could say was "Ooh… Amazing… Exquisite… How beautiful…. We were as in a temple. I imagined the opportunity for transcending time.
To be that close to unimagined riches made of gold and inlaid with precious gems, used by the famous king and his court elevated my soul. My heart fluttered like a bird. The paint on other pieces survived across the centuries because of the dryness of the desert and the Royal Egyptian Sepulcher (burial vault). Some pieces seemed futuristic and uncannily in the art deco style, an elegant style of cool sophistication in architecture and applied arts, which range in luxurious objects made from exotic material—in this case, mostly pure gold—in geometric shapes and intense colors.

Background Thoughts
I have a friend N who also loves the ancient Egyptians and who has visited Egypt. My father (now deceased) said that many generations ago, our family lived in Egypt--as well as in Palestine. My father went with a research team, led by Dr. Jim Harris, to x-ray the Pharaoh mummies many decades ago. My cousin G says he was thrilled to hear of my father’s work with the mummies because of his own long-time fascination with Egyptology.
The Pharaoh held power for a mere seven years, yet he is the most famous of all the kings found in the Valley of the Kings. Tutankhamun, also known as King Tut, died 3,300 years ago at about age 18. It is thought that he was murdered by an official because his skull was bashed in and only a person of great importance could get near enough to harm him.
He is also famous because his tomb was in almost perfect condition. His tomb had been robbed once very soon after he was put in, but everything lost was replaced as soon as possible.
Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon found the mummy of King Tut in Luxor in 1922. Lord Carnarvon was a rich man who owned the right to dig in the Valley of the Kings where Tutankhamun was found.
At the exhibit the results of some sophisticated CT scans helped create, with an artist’s skills, a sculpture of what King Tut probably looked like. CT scans also turned up evidence of a broken leg, maybe from falling from his chariot and so it is possible that he succumbed to gangrene.
This once in a lifetime chance to see the most amazing art and artifacts in history is at The Field Museum, Chicago, IL now until January 1, 2007, then to Philadelphia and to London, It has previously been to Los Angeles, CA and Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Plenty of parking is available at the museum for only $5. You can buy tickets by going online to the official site, http://www.kingtut.org/.

Trying Too Hard

2006-07-23T01:07:00.000-07:00

I am bound and determined to do a good job at work and so I get into this overdrive frame of mind where I brainstorm everything, applying all that I know to life's every problem. But while my mind is engaged, thinking my wheels are on full spin, my body has already called it a day and gone home. So, I come out with politically incorrect comments. Someone said the other day that "politically incorrect" is an old, tired term, but I feel it's timely with all the politically incorrect things I hear on the news. My boss let me go home early on Friday. If he hadn't I would have gone home sick. That is how tired I am. I also am not sleeping well, not getting to bed early due to this heat and worrying about work, and other aspects of my life.

With Bush in charge, I worry that the mess in the Middle East will unravel into WWIII. I worry about the people of Darfur, the Sudan, I worry about North Korea, I worry about all the fires raging across the country, and I worry about this heatwave that has come to stay. It reminds me of a "Twilight Zone" episode in which the Earth is approaching the sun. Robert Frost said the World will end in Fire or in Ice.

I'm usually good at expressing myself. Why am I blogging the wrong thing when I mean to say the right thing, the polite thing, the encouraging thing, the kind thing, the amusing thing? True this blogging is new to me. At work, however, I answer a hundred e-mails a day with no problem.

My visit to a good writer

2006-07-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

My last visit to Gelert did not go well. I welcomed him to my blog but I don't think he'll be dropping by any time soon. Here's what I wrote to him:
Hi Gelert,
I like what you wrote and your clever drawing. He's very cute. You wrote, " I sat here and wanted.... so many things. Not least some way of making it all make sense, some way of finding some peace. Some way of shifting the hiatus."
I too, have been wanting to shift the hiatus, or to have a cute gremlin to keep me company at work, to which I say witty quips and things, and assign tasks to. Instead I play CDs on my computer and wish it weren't so darn hot out! Maybe what we seek is a hiatus from this horrid weather that plagues the Earth at this time.
You really needn't wait for it all to make sense, Gel. I think we each make our own sense of things. For instance, I have always seen things a little creatively, never like everybody else. Maybe that's a good thing.
oy, I just got my blog up and running. It's just the bare bones, and I realize that you are very much in demand, but would like to humbly invite you to visit my site (and any of your friends, too). Comments are welcome, brief or long. Thank you, Gelert, for being such an inspiration.
I hope I don't come off as self-absorbed and egotistical by saying I've always been creative, seen things differently. That one I have to explain.

The Week In Pictures

2006-07-21T04:18:00.000-07:00

MSN's The week in pictures shows how things are heating up, fighting in Beirut, Lebanon--Israel shows no restraint (maybe as it should be), the tsunami, monsoon in China (poor piggie) hanging onto a wall for dear life and this unbearable heat. My cat woke me up by licking my face again at 3:30 a.m. (yuk, I know) I fed him a little food with his pill. Now, I'm tired but can't go back to sleep. I should nap for a half hour or I will be useless at work. I think I'm going to have to go in this weekend to catch up.

I was in the middle of figuring out how to input a recurring meeting in the conference room when my boss shot me an important e-mail. He asked me if I'd read it and I said "Sorry I'm kind of tied up in the Conf. Rm." "Oh, I guess I'm not important," he said kidding. I apologized and said "Read your e-mail. It is great. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in paper!" Some days are better than others. I have to get more sleep! I hate to miss Loveline though. It comes on late because of the subject matter which I think is a stupid regulation. Hey, TGIF! Going to nap now.

From 3:57 a.m., July 18, 2006

2006-07-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend,Woke up early this morning, before the chickens. I'm worried about work. There's so much to learn and so much to do. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? My horoscope--yes horoscope, I'm a media lapdog, remember?--anyway said that for yesterday to reach for the moon and to dream big. I can't remember the rest, something about confidence, that I can do what I am trying to do. For me that's success in my job. That's all I want.But things change. No matter what, they always do. And sometimes it's for the worse. I can't help but be a little afraid. I have recently, maybe about 10 months ago taken on additional duties and although I feel like I'm really earning my pay, I can't miss a day and I work long hours. That's my fault. I can't concentrate very well when people are talking and in my detail-oriented job I need peace and quiet. Also, I work slow but sure and that takes more time. That's my choice and it's just the way I am. Can't change that. Wish I could focus better; if I could only get rid of my fears.

Oops, I did it again!

2006-07-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Hello Friend,I actually started this blog yesterday, but I don't understand how, I could have already accidentally deleted a post, but I did. In that post I was saying that I am tired of going on the spaces and blogs of other people as an anonymous visitor and I guess it's time to try my own blog so other people can visit me, too. I called it "Way too much enthusiasm" because I feel that my enthusiasm can be mistaken for sarcasm. That is not my intention. I hope that here in this blog I can learn to "curb my enthusiasm." (Love that show. It's about Larry David the creator of Seinfeld. The title of the show is "Curb Your Enthusiasm.") But, I'm getting side-tracked. What I want to say is that I want to communicate better and this is a start. I hope I can be genuine and also gracious when I receive constructive criticism, although as I said in my first post, the one I erased by mistake, if someone writes something very rude I will be forced to delete it--or not.

My Doctor

2006-07-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Went to the Doctor today. My doctor is very, very nice and shows concern for her patients. I took along a bag with me from the King Tut exhibit the first time I met her. She told me that she is Egyptian and had seen the old exhibit in Egypt many years ago. She listens, she speaks softly but clearly, makes eye contact, talks a mile a minute because she wants to educate as well as examine and diagnose, and she shakes hands and also holds your hand lightly as in support, understanding, and compassion. I would say she's a great doctor and when the receptionist(s) ask(s) who I'm there to see, I very happily and proudly speak her name. This is a change in me as I'm not one to speak up or to trust just any doctor.My cat was laying on a small cutting board on wheels that since we bought it has belonged to the cats. Now the cats have all been put to sleep because of old age and illness and we just have one left. He's 15, a former alley cat who used to sleep on the hood of my car in winter to stay warm because I came home late from night school every night around 10:00 p.m. Well there he is now living the life of Riley (feet up on the furniture) and I notice that he's been outside. He has grass, twigs and dust in his fur; he's also been rolling around on the ground. I make a point of letting him out each day because it's so hot! It's nice in the shade in the evening. It's safe to say that we're having a heatwave here.
posted by Claire

Summary of the last few days

2006-07-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

setting up this blog should be as easy as 1-2-3. But for me it is not that easy. I screwed up somewhere and now I can't access the URL. So, I'm (sigh) hate to say it, starting over. Let me see if this works or nearly does the job.