He gives her reason to live
I have a good friend who is living with a guy who is abusive to her and no one knows about it. I know she's headed for a fall. In fact, she's already taken a fall and got a fat lip and two black eyes from it so she had to call in sick to work. Another time, before he moved in, he came over in the middle of the night drunk and he took off his belt and started whipping her with it. She is a tiny little thing. That should have raised a red flag. But she loves him. She protests that she doesn't but she would do anything for him, anythng. She explains that he's gay and that she understands that.
I know him too. And I tell her that I can understand why she likes him, he's charming, funny, sweet, entertaining, thoughtful, interesting, etc., etc. But, when he's drunk, he's a different person. And when they are alone he takes advantage of her low self-esteem, something other people are not even aware of. Now, it's her place, and without even asking he changed the lock on the door to his bedroom. She's wondering what he's thinking. I said, well it isn't his place, he should ask first.
I am afraid of what could happen to her if this continues. I think I need another serious talk with her but what do I say? I know he gives her reason to live because I was married to a guy who was crazy and abusive and it took me two years to get out of that marriage because he gave me reason to live... I wouldn't go through it again but inbetween being a monster he was an absolute angel, some of you may know what I mean.
posted by Claire @ 3:35 PM
3 Comments:
O Claire.
A very true post about a universal problem that many women face in the World. Being a part in an abusive relationship is a sweet - bitter symphony , but i really feel sorry for your friend. I hope she can find an exit in this relationship. and I am happy to know that u escaped a horrible relationship and started over , I wish u the best of luck in any relationship in the future.
L.A.
Thanks L.A.,
I think it has to do with self-esteem. I'm working on myself all the time. But my friend is not aware of the physical danger that she is in! She's in total denial. I may be able to do nothing about it. In fact, by talking to her about it I may be giving her attention that she lacks and thus encouraging the very behavior that I want to discourage. Thank you for your good luck wish in any future relationship. Likewise!
Now, it doesn't seem like such a burden. My problem is solved, since the divorce is final and my ex- returned to England. My friend is really responsible for her own life and all I can do is try to help but it's not up to me to "save" her, if she doesn't want to be "saved".
I know I am harping on an old tune but it continues to entrap women into relationships that are dangerous and could end in their disfigurement or their death. Maybe I'll delve deeper into this topic at a later date when I feel more calm and grounded and know what I have to say. For now, I think what I've said is enough to open discussion, and that's good.
Claire
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