Smart women still making stupid mistakes?

Is it possible that when it comes to relationships, smart women keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again? Why are we wired this way? I mean the most traumatic things we experienced in growing up, instead of avoiding them, we choose people who remind us of them or who make us relive the same dreadful events. This is one of the explanations that Dr. Drew gives on Loveline, the radio talk show that I listen to most nights. But, why are we wired this way? He doesn't fully explain that one. I guess we're always looking for that invisible, magic key to finally have a good relationship with the rejecting, critical, or abusive parent(s).

Now, in psychology class we learned that rats could learn a maze by watching other rats run the maze and if there were a shock at one end, they also learned to avoid it. So, it is possible for them (and us) to have vicarious learning. Then, why can't a hurt individual learn to find the right kind of person (as opposed to the wrong kind of person) to match up with? Why can't they observe their peers, their heroes, their idols, or their mentors experience a loving, stable relationship and say, "That's for me!"

They may even say, "That's for me!" but their radar finds the guy who leaves them alone on holidays, who cheats, who is distant or unavailable, who is married or gay, who is jealous and controlling or who is cheap and stingy even with his affection. There's all kinds of wrong men and I'm not talking about whether the guy is a nerd, or can't hold a tune, fix a car, or can't dance. I mean serious trouble. I mean the guy who can get you into serious debt, who can get you hooked on cocaine or heroin or cigarettes, or marajuana, or drink. That's what I'm talking about.

Death Cab For Cutie Song Lyrics

(I have been singing along with this catchy song for the last couple of weeks.)

"Soul Meets Body"

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here
I cannot guess what we'll discover

We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain
I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere


[Thanks to Melinda Bruner (the_bluest_butterfly@hotmail.com) for these lyrics][Thanks to bittersweetsymphony7@yahoo.com, apisbulll@yahoo.com, delta9@rocketmail.com, madeleinehawks@yahoo.com for correcting these lyrics][ www.azlyrics.com ]

It cools off a bit

I went out this morning and found that it was lightly raining. Finally, the weather has cooled off. I just hope that it doesn't get real humid and steamy in the coming week. The other day, it was so hot that when I got out of my car my glasses fogged up so that I had to take them off in order to see where I was going.
I had a strange dream. I had been averaging five hours of sleep per night due to listenning to Loveline on the radio Sundays-Thursdays until I felt so weak that I found myself nodding off in front of my computer both at work and at home. I think I woke up at 5:00 a.m. as usual to feed the cat and give him fresh water but I can't be sure so later when I went into the kitchen and he begged again with a very convincing "meow," I fed him again just to be on the safe side. He didn't finish his food so I guess I had fed him. Oh well, better safe than sorry. I think it was Buddha who said, "It is better to be the one who is fooled than the one who fools." Do you hear that, kitty?
I have very vivid dreams, especially when I haven't had much good ole r.e.m. sleep in awhile. When I awoke I didn't know what day of the week it was and I shot up in bed and thought oh my God, I have to call in to work and tell them I'm on my way! Then I thought, "no, today is not a work day but I have agreed to meet someone for coffee and I'm running late!" I'm not a high maintenance person but it sure takes me a long time to get ready.
I had to cut corners, a little less mascara, leave the towel on the chair, drastic measures like that. Anyways, I made it just a little late but not bad.
I related my dream to W saying I found myself sharing a small dormitory with the girls in my last Honors class and they had to get together and tell me that I had used too much closet space and they didn't have anywhere to put their clothes so I discovered a spare room next door but they nixxed that idea. I said well I'll take my clothes out of all the closets and hang them all up in one closet with that new system of flat hangers as seen on the QVC shopping channel. As I went through the closets they were all arranged with jewelry and storage baskets and all manner of designs. I knew they were not mine, but each was like a "myspace" on the Internet. Finally, I got to mine and rearranged the clothes and things to fit. For some reason we had one of those rotating chains like they hang the clothes on in the dry cleaners and we all hung our dresses, jackets, and jeans on it. I had an uneasy feeling like I had overstepped my bounds, and yet, once I looked in all the closets I really didn't have my clothes in anyone else's closet, they just thought I did. I think the dry cleaner chain thing was for the clothes, our best stuff, or the face that we show to the world or to each other and the clothes in the closet are what we keep to ourselves. I didn't say much in that class but I got an A and that made me happy. My first paper in that class received a C so I was a little scared. It was a type of subject I'd never taken before and I did well, I think. Though I found it hard to speak to the others. There were only ten people in the class and the teacher and she and they were all open-minded. I was just so shy!

My Favorite Musical Instrument

I love the guitar although I never learned to play. My mother used to practice the guitar and sing along. She had a monotone to her voice that was kind of distracting and at the same time endearing. It was as if I knew when she was gone I would remember things like that with perfect recall. Funny how I sound like her and I hate my voice. It is very nasal.
Being the middle child and being meek and sickly growing up it is no surprise that I was no one's favorite, at least in the family. Outside the family I befriended many people, cousins, teachers, neighbors, and peers.
I like to listen to guitar music at work. I have many CDs that feature guitar music and I think it must drive my co-workers nuts. I am sorry about that but it is very soothing yet energizing and that helps me to focus on my work and not get distracted by people's conversations. In that respect it acts as a filter. The more work I have the more I realize that I am slow. If I could just attack one problem at a time and not have three or four folders open at the same instant. Distraction is a major time-waster.
I heard that playing for a long time, like when practicing one can get cuts on the tips of the fingers. Now that's dedication. There's more story to the guitar but I can't tell it here. Suffice it to say that I like this instrument best.

The King Tut Exhibit

The ancient Egyptians have always captivated me, transporting me mind and spirit on a journey to another world, another time, through mystery and magic. My friend J is also very interested in the ancient Egyptians and accompanied me to the exhibit of King Tut and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs. It was awesome, dazzling. I was dumb-struck with amazement. All I could say was "Ooh… Amazing… Exquisite… How beautiful…. We were as in a temple. I imagined the opportunity for transcending time.
To be that close to unimagined riches made of gold and inlaid with precious gems, used by the famous king and his court elevated my soul. My heart fluttered like a bird. The paint on other pieces survived across the centuries because of the dryness of the desert and the Royal Egyptian Sepulcher (burial vault). Some pieces seemed futuristic and uncannily in the art deco style, an elegant style of cool sophistication in architecture and applied arts, which range in luxurious objects made from exotic material—in this case, mostly pure gold—in geometric shapes and intense colors.

Background Thoughts
I have a friend N who also loves the ancient Egyptians and who has visited Egypt. My father (now deceased) said that many generations ago, our family lived in Egypt--as well as in Palestine. My father went with a research team, led by Dr. Jim Harris, to x-ray the Pharaoh mummies many decades ago. My cousin G says he was thrilled to hear of my father’s work with the mummies because of his own long-time fascination with Egyptology.
The Pharaoh held power for a mere seven years, yet he is the most famous of all the kings found in the Valley of the Kings. Tutankhamun, also known as King Tut, died 3,300 years ago at about age 18. It is thought that he was murdered by an official because his skull was bashed in and only a person of great importance could get near enough to harm him.
He is also famous because his tomb was in almost perfect condition. His tomb had been robbed once very soon after he was put in, but everything lost was replaced as soon as possible.
Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon found the mummy of King Tut in Luxor in 1922. Lord Carnarvon was a rich man who owned the right to dig in the Valley of the Kings where Tutankhamun was found.
At the exhibit the results of some sophisticated CT scans helped create, with an artist’s skills, a sculpture of what King Tut probably looked like. CT scans also turned up evidence of a broken leg, maybe from falling from his chariot and so it is possible that he succumbed to gangrene.
This once in a lifetime chance to see the most amazing art and artifacts in history is at The Field Museum, Chicago, IL now until January 1, 2007, then to Philadelphia and to London, It has previously been to Los Angeles, CA and Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Plenty of parking is available at the museum for only $5. You can buy tickets by going online to the official site, http://www.kingtut.org/.

Trying Too Hard

I am bound and determined to do a good job at work and so I get into this overdrive frame of mind where I brainstorm everything, applying all that I know to life's every problem. But while my mind is engaged, thinking my wheels are on full spin, my body has already called it a day and gone home. So, I come out with politically incorrect comments. Someone said the other day that "politically incorrect" is an old, tired term, but I feel it's timely with all the politically incorrect things I hear on the news. My boss let me go home early on Friday. If he hadn't I would have gone home sick. That is how tired I am. I also am not sleeping well, not getting to bed early due to this heat and worrying about work, and other aspects of my life.

With Bush in charge, I worry that the mess in the Middle East will unravel into WWIII. I worry about the people of Darfur, the Sudan, I worry about North Korea, I worry about all the fires raging across the country, and I worry about this heatwave that has come to stay. It reminds me of a "Twilight Zone" episode in which the Earth is approaching the sun. Robert Frost said the World will end in Fire or in Ice.

I'm usually good at expressing myself. Why am I blogging the wrong thing when I mean to say the right thing, the polite thing, the encouraging thing, the kind thing, the amusing thing? True this blogging is new to me. At work, however, I answer a hundred e-mails a day with no problem.

My visit to a good writer

My last visit to Gelert did not go well. I welcomed him to my blog but I don't think he'll be dropping by any time soon. Here's what I wrote to him:
Hi Gelert,
I like what you wrote and your clever drawing. He's very cute. You wrote, " I sat here and wanted.... so many things. Not least some way of making it all make sense, some way of finding some peace. Some way of shifting the hiatus."
I too, have been wanting to shift the hiatus, or to have a cute gremlin to keep me company at work, to which I say witty quips and things, and assign tasks to. Instead I play CDs on my computer and wish it weren't so darn hot out! Maybe what we seek is a hiatus from this horrid weather that plagues the Earth at this time.
You really needn't wait for it all to make sense, Gel. I think we each make our own sense of things. For instance, I have always seen things a little creatively, never like everybody else. Maybe that's a good thing.
oy, I just got my blog up and running. It's just the bare bones, and I realize that you are very much in demand, but would like to humbly invite you to visit my site (and any of your friends, too). Comments are welcome, brief or long. Thank you, Gelert, for being such an inspiration.
I hope I don't come off as self-absorbed and egotistical by saying I've always been creative, seen things differently. That one I have to explain.

The Week In Pictures

MSN's The week in pictures shows how things are heating up, fighting in Beirut, Lebanon--Israel shows no restraint (maybe as it should be), the tsunami, monsoon in China (poor piggie) hanging onto a wall for dear life and this unbearable heat. My cat woke me up by licking my face again at 3:30 a.m. (yuk, I know) I fed him a little food with his pill. Now, I'm tired but can't go back to sleep. I should nap for a half hour or I will be useless at work. I think I'm going to have to go in this weekend to catch up.

I was in the middle of figuring out how to input a recurring meeting in the conference room when my boss shot me an important e-mail. He asked me if I'd read it and I said "Sorry I'm kind of tied up in the Conf. Rm." "Oh, I guess I'm not important," he said kidding. I apologized and said "Read your e-mail. It is great. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in paper!" Some days are better than others. I have to get more sleep! I hate to miss Loveline though. It comes on late because of the subject matter which I think is a stupid regulation. Hey, TGIF! Going to nap now.

From 3:57 a.m., July 18, 2006

Dear Friend,Woke up early this morning, before the chickens. I'm worried about work. There's so much to learn and so much to do. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? My horoscope--yes horoscope, I'm a media lapdog, remember?--anyway said that for yesterday to reach for the moon and to dream big. I can't remember the rest, something about confidence, that I can do what I am trying to do. For me that's success in my job. That's all I want.But things change. No matter what, they always do. And sometimes it's for the worse. I can't help but be a little afraid. I have recently, maybe about 10 months ago taken on additional duties and although I feel like I'm really earning my pay, I can't miss a day and I work long hours. That's my fault. I can't concentrate very well when people are talking and in my detail-oriented job I need peace and quiet. Also, I work slow but sure and that takes more time. That's my choice and it's just the way I am. Can't change that. Wish I could focus better; if I could only get rid of my fears.

Oops, I did it again!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Hello Friend,I actually started this blog yesterday, but I don't understand how, I could have already accidentally deleted a post, but I did. In that post I was saying that I am tired of going on the spaces and blogs of other people as an anonymous visitor and I guess it's time to try my own blog so other people can visit me, too. I called it "Way too much enthusiasm" because I feel that my enthusiasm can be mistaken for sarcasm. That is not my intention. I hope that here in this blog I can learn to "curb my enthusiasm." (Love that show. It's about Larry David the creator of Seinfeld. The title of the show is "Curb Your Enthusiasm.") But, I'm getting side-tracked. What I want to say is that I want to communicate better and this is a start. I hope I can be genuine and also gracious when I receive constructive criticism, although as I said in my first post, the one I erased by mistake, if someone writes something very rude I will be forced to delete it--or not.

My Doctor

Went to the Doctor today. My doctor is very, very nice and shows concern for her patients. I took along a bag with me from the King Tut exhibit the first time I met her. She told me that she is Egyptian and had seen the old exhibit in Egypt many years ago. She listens, she speaks softly but clearly, makes eye contact, talks a mile a minute because she wants to educate as well as examine and diagnose, and she shakes hands and also holds your hand lightly as in support, understanding, and compassion. I would say she's a great doctor and when the receptionist(s) ask(s) who I'm there to see, I very happily and proudly speak her name. This is a change in me as I'm not one to speak up or to trust just any doctor.My cat was laying on a small cutting board on wheels that since we bought it has belonged to the cats. Now the cats have all been put to sleep because of old age and illness and we just have one left. He's 15, a former alley cat who used to sleep on the hood of my car in winter to stay warm because I came home late from night school every night around 10:00 p.m. Well there he is now living the life of Riley (feet up on the furniture) and I notice that he's been outside. He has grass, twigs and dust in his fur; he's also been rolling around on the ground. I make a point of letting him out each day because it's so hot! It's nice in the shade in the evening. It's safe to say that we're having a heatwave here.
posted by Claire

Summary of the last few days

setting up this blog should be as easy as 1-2-3. But for me it is not that easy. I screwed up somewhere and now I can't access the URL. So, I'm (sigh) hate to say it, starting over. Let me see if this works or nearly does the job.